Her Crown: Eps. 2: Ann

[00:00:02] Hello, Welcome to Her Crown, Eliminate Audio Production, Celebrating Motherhood, Amy Hose and Hope Deusere, Erica Scott. Her Crown is a 12-part series of stories that focuses on the strength, dedication, love, and sacrifices from a diverse group of mothers.

[00:00:23] These brave women will share with you their up and down journeys through life. Some their stories have never been told before. Motherhood is hard, yet rewarding. A mother wears so many hats for so many reasons, but through it all, there is no stopping another slow.

[00:00:42] She is their serving of a crown. Here are their stories. Today with me is Miss Ann. Miss Ann, how are you today? I'm doing fine. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. Welcome to the show. Thank you.

[00:00:59] Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Some background who you are? Well, my name is Ann and I've been in war. So majority of my life, I watched a good part of the bed. Mostly good.

[00:01:14] I was born in Arkansas, was not born here, but up in here since I was three months old. So I don't know anything about where I was born. I came from Burton Street on the east side and I was there to probably like 40 years ago.

[00:01:32] I moved to the west side so I'm a native of Warren all my life. Can you tell us more about the household which you raised your child who grown up? When we come from a very humble home, my mother was a single home.

[00:01:48] We had my grandfather and my grandmother. We stayed on Burton Street in Warren and this big apartment building. It was on the Ray of Families, the state and apartment building from there. We moved to the rich home and from there we moved to the fairy gardens.

[00:02:09] And from there which was called Maya Daltoot, my husband I bought our own home and we moved to the west side. I have two children that love very much. They are ironically 21 years apart. They're just the love of my life. They really, truly are goes without saying.

[00:02:31] What can you tell us what age were you and what do you suspect first? Is it because that's your repregnant? Well I got pregnant in a very early age of 16 by a fantastic person. Who I am best friends with to this day.

[00:02:49] He and I of course had our post child at 16. We were young parents. My daughter stayed with me and my mother. My mother was my support in my backbone, although her father also was very active in her life. And then 21 years later I had my second daughter.

[00:03:14] Her father and I were, I guess you would call common law married. We bought, like I said, we bought our own home. He was very active in her life also. My mother was also my backbone and I have a great family that's very supportive of me.

[00:03:34] How well did all your pregnancy scouts, the birth from did you have any complications or were they very smooth going? Due to the fact that I think every mother feels like, you know, their body is complicated when they're pregnant.

[00:03:49] For as I can remember about the births one, I had no idea about pregnancy at all. Matter of fact my sister had to tell me what was going on with me because I was not aware of, you know, the circumstances of being pregnant.

[00:04:10] I do remember my mother telling me and my sister that if we ever had a child at a wedding lot, that we were going to the home or unread it mother so far. Did you believe that? Oh absolutely anything my mother would tell me I believed.

[00:04:28] She, I think she did that to discourage that type of thing. And my pregnancy came about, of course, I know I do love the man that I had my first child by.

[00:04:45] But at 16 you don't know too much about, you know, what to expect out of a relationship or the consequences of giving yourself to someone. Fortunately for me like I said, I, you know, lost my virginity to a fantastic young man.

[00:05:06] Like I said also he is still very involved in my life as well as his daughter. We live separately of course, he has his own relationships but we are the best of friends. My second daughter her father, unfortunately he's deceased. He was a fantastic person.

[00:05:33] The two fathers to me were different as night and day, but I love them. I love them both. I really enjoyed we do they gave me two of the best gift God could ever give anybody. And were you working mom or a stay at home mom?

[00:05:50] You tell us if you had any struggles being in that role? Absolutely. Well, like I said at 16 of course I wasn't working. I was still in high school. My mother made me responsible for my decisions always.

[00:06:08] I, um, I went to school and at the time of my first child they had something called night school. Where pregnant teenagers, you know, didn't go into the general public.

[00:06:22] They went to night school so I got to stay home and, you know, tend to my pregnancy and my health and everything at the first time. Or as that pregnancy went that was almost 50 years ago. So please forgive me if I don't remember.

[00:06:41] Trumbly Memorial, what's we are? They both, what's born. I don't remember much about any complications with either one. Ironically enough, I was quite older with a second child, which my doctors told me they were like, you know, your high risk of course, you know.

[00:07:03] But I come from a strong line of women and not that I don't respect the doctors opinion but I never, never, never put too much into what somebody told me I go because I know my body better than anyone else's and

[00:07:22] Like a lot of times with the bed rest and everything, you know, I've never been wanted to just want to sit around and just not do anything. I ate a lot. Okay, although, did you crave something? Oh yes. Or the first child I remember.

[00:07:42] Probably three watermelon moments a day. Three watermelon moments a day. A lot of water. No, it is. And with the second one, it was Mr. Missy freezes. The blue kind. The ice cream. The ice cream in it. Those was the two cravings.

[00:08:08] That was a hard-haven kid so far apart. I mean, your pregnancy had very much differ from 21 years at a long time. Yes. Well, with the first child, you know, like I said, you know, it's a learning experience with your first child.

[00:08:24] And like I said, I had a very supportive mother that kept me on the street in the room. And I was in the room. Of course, a lot of times I didn't agree with her. We would but heads a little bit.

[00:08:36] I thought she was quite unfair to me because I couldn't go out and party with the other kids. And then other teenagers and stuff. But the opposite team, mom, and mom will get made irresponsible for that decision. The second pregnancy, of course, I knew a little bit more.

[00:08:52] During my lifetime, I have babysitted a lot of times. But it's totally different when this year is totally different. It's a technology and everything has totally changed because that's a lifetime between children. Honestly, when you think about it,

[00:09:10] Well, I have found that, you know, like, especially now the children now, you know, seems to later you have your children. You know, like children to me now are coming out. Saying, you know, giving the computer, I said, you know, where, you know, like with my first child,

[00:09:30] you know, I had to support her head and, you know, things like that now. I found that, you know, children that are born now and they get up. They, they're turning their heads right away. You know, their eyes are opening a lot quicker.

[00:09:46] There's becoming more aware of the world that's around them. Yeah. That's kind of amazing too. And I don't have a little bit scary at the same time because the skits are growing so fast in this world. Yes, man.

[00:10:00] I don't feel they even get the chance to really be children. Well, we all take our time on, you know, going and just, it's like this. The way I feel about it and I don't, you know, I'm, I'm not religious leaf but an article,

[00:10:18] but I believe they got had the purpose for everything and everybody. I remember my grandfather written, Repilations to us when we were younger and watching, you know, like the one part where it says, mother against daughter, father, and as I grew up as a child,

[00:10:40] I could not even conceive the thought of being disrespectful to an adult, least of all, not my parents or grandparents or anybody like that. Well, nowadays you see it more rapidly. Yes, you do. And, you know, and we hit more structure. We had a dinner time at 6 o'clock

[00:11:02] and you, I mean, you hit to sit there in you eight and you did not interfere or interact with adult conversation. Another thing was you did not put your elbows on the table and you could not sing and you could not, and you said there's a table.

[00:11:22] You could not. That was, no, that was like it just a quiet dinner. No, the adults did. I mean, we talked but you know, wasn't like it. If two adults were talking and we want to intervene in it, that was, no, but if it was two children

[00:11:46] and we were talking about something, then yeah, you know, we were talking, but we would never, we were not allowed to, you know, like give our opinions about, you know, like politics, for instance. You know, nowadays if you know,

[00:12:04] as a family unit, a lot of people sit there and they talk about certain things and their children are, you know, encouraged to give their opinion about how they feel about things like that. When I was younger, it was not accepted in that way. I can understand.

[00:12:22] I mean, it's a totally different time. Now, you did say that your husband was deceased. Can you tell us how that affected you, your life and your child's life? Absolutely. It goes without saying it was a devastating part of my life. It really intro we was.

[00:12:38] I think it humbled me in a lot of ways that I was not even aware of. Barra's my child. She, I really don't really really know how that would affect her. I would speak for her. I was assumed that, you know, losing anybody that you loved,

[00:13:01] though, you know, affected in some way. I don't think that she told me understood the fact that her dad was dying and it was not coming back or he had a sickness that took him a long time to leave. It was a six year event.

[00:13:23] I guess after six years, you know, and you've grown from one stage to your life to another. You look at things totally different. I do remember the day that he did pass, which was on my friend of this birthday. I ran it clean enough. I'm in hard. Absolutely.

[00:13:41] Absolutely. He, you know, it might be like I said, it was a crumbling event. I can look back at it now, but at the time I was very angry. Because I'm human. Like everybody in any time you have a lot, you feel that, you know, it's unfair.

[00:14:05] You know, you do everything that you think you can. At the time, you know, I had a lot of my plate, not really did. I look back at it now. You know, be amazed on how good God has been to me.

[00:14:21] You know, like, getting these rules certain things as well. I think makes me the person that I am now. Because, you know, I also hear a lot of things that my mother, my grandfather, would tell me, you know, like, strength is the matter of a may that mine.

[00:14:41] And you don't worry about nothing because when you know who is in control, there is no need to worry. So I always tell people I'm concerned, but I'm not worried. Like can be what you make it though.

[00:14:59] It can be a struggle and it can be a very enlightening journey that you go through. You know? It seems like you have such good spiritual, you know, your elders and that even though you were struggling, you knew that there was a greater power

[00:15:17] that was making you get through it. So you still have that wonderful powerful attitude that many people probably would have gave up. Well, I can't say, Erica, that I didn't at one point or more than one point, one we give up on a lot of things in my,

[00:15:35] you know, far as like in 2005, that's when my mother and my house been both past. So my foundation, my youth and my present. And it was it was a little bit of a struggle, you know, to this day I stepped back and I think back at it.

[00:15:51] And I wonder how did I get through it? But like I said before, you know, now that I understand a lot better, you know, it's nothing but God, you know, I know it's nothing but God. And that's why, you know, like no matter what happens in life,

[00:16:09] I choose to, you know, make the best of it. Not do you have any grandchildren? I do. I can see your face light on. I have three. I have two grandsons and one granddaughter and they are all three uniquely uniquely. I mean, the love of my life.

[00:16:35] I love my kids too, but my grand babies, my grand babies, I do not have them all three of them. Now, can you tell us any fond memories that we had with your children going up and their younger years? I have a lot of fond memories

[00:16:53] of, you know, like I said, my two children are not 21 years apart. So, you know, they're kind of separate, but we still, we still, we came together because my oldest daughter is more like my best friend, slash her second mother. And I know with my first daughter

[00:17:19] we would always, I know, like, this is the dream thing. We used to go to open houses on Sundays. And of course, I couldn't buy a house or anything, but we would go and look at houses and, you know, go shopping, you know,

[00:17:41] just a little thing is like that, you know, just her and I, you know, and with my second child. I'm still having fond memories of what's over. We, we are so much alike. It's not, it's uncanny. My oldest daughter is more, you know, like her dad.

[00:18:05] And I guess both of them are more like, you know, their dad's and they both have here. They're just, it's love me. My, I think my older daughter, because we're so close to an age, I think she understands a little bit more if what I'm,

[00:18:23] I've been trying to show her than my younger daughter. She's in her mid 20s. And of course, that's time to discover yourself. We all went through it. So I've learned, at my point, in my life, to, you know, like do the best you can always

[00:18:45] say your piece and then be a little long and give it to God when you can't help. No. When you, this thing, like, they're not listening. I'll put it that way. It's hard to raise children. It's the best job you ever have.

[00:18:59] It's the hardest, but it's the best. I would, I feel some kind of way about people that don't have children and they like, um, and even though, said do have children and don't appreciate them. I'm fortunate enough to have, you know, not only my biological children,

[00:19:21] but some of their, their friends call me, you know, their mom or their second mom or grandma. And to me it's a privilege. It really, truly is. I can imagine, um, I really wouldn't want to imagine not having, you know, offspring to carry on.

[00:19:43] What I leave here when I die here, I'm only a good part of me, you know, down here to pass on to other generations. And I think that's the part of motherhood that, you know, we take for granted. But, you know, the nurturing, the empathy, the kindness,

[00:20:03] the awareness, the things that you you want to instill the values of life in a person in general. We get that, we get that privilege to send that to the rest of the world through our children. So, being a mother, slash grandmother, I, you know,

[00:20:27] I can't think of more one to start looking for honorable job to have. That's, I love the way you look at that. I never thought of it that way of having such a positive attitude and make sure that that's bread through your kids

[00:20:47] and that's bread to the world. But, you can tell here that that's what you know, I think motherhood is about, you know, we are all going to leave this world. I work in the healthcare field and so many times. I look at, when someone is leaving this world,

[00:21:07] I love, when, you know, their children, you know, are all around and, you know, they're a supportive of their a parent, be a dead, a father or mother, they're to see them all. You know, it says a lot about that individual that, you know, raised them,

[00:21:27] a lot of times when we do feel a loss in our life. The M. M. T. to, you know, separate or become more, I guess, angry with each other, you know, and it happens. It happens. It happens. You know, I think people should learn to forgive, you know,

[00:21:57] regardless of how much you, you know, you let everyone deal with their loss in their own way. And you love them in spite of how they see things in their eyes. And I think the world would be a whole lot better if we would all learn to try

[00:22:17] through the other person's eyes on why they are like they are. You know, I think it makes you a lot easier to forgive them, but more so also to be of yourself. I think I do that as well. I always try to see something to someone else's perspective.

[00:22:37] Sometimes it messes you up thinking like that, but I always try to think of how someone else feels in a situation. I understand. It's not an easy thing to do, but when you do what I call to give and you have to give you know, I mean,

[00:22:57] it's something that some people never do I think that we're all consumed with what's best for us. You know, I had an instructor in college and I remember the first time he got up in in the class and he said, W-I-I-F-M. And he said,

[00:23:19] do you really probably know what that mean? We all look at each other. Of course, we come up with some wacky you know, scenarios with the, well, he says, in any situation, everything. W-I-I-F-M. He, and this was a business class, you know, he said,

[00:23:39] what's in it for me? And that's what W-I-F-M is. And we all look for, you know, what's in it for me as a mother, of course you want the respect that you think you're entitled to. You want to be, you know, remember in a,

[00:24:01] nurturing in a very good way. You know, I talked to a young man yesterday and he's a pita polygic and he said at the age of 18 his mother threw him out to house and he was very, he's an older man now. But he still holding on to this

[00:24:19] and I'm like, your mother loved you. He says, no, I don't think so. And I talked to him for a little while, but after a while, like I said, he was way older than 18. I think he was probably in his mid 30s. I figured, you know,

[00:24:40] you can't change a person's mind that has been hurt for 20, 30 years in the way, you know, as my was hit, that his mother didn't love him. That's between him and his mother. But I think we all this mothers, you know, love our children. I really, truly do.

[00:24:58] Some people just don't know how to show it. Some people just don't know how to, you know, they've been hurt so much. Did they just, you know, they don't want to feel that type of building? I think that goes with how your family is raised, as well.

[00:25:15] You know, if you're raised in a living household, that's what you learned at his show. And if you're not sometimes not so easy, I don't know. I don't necessarily agree with you on that one thing or a cup, because upstream people raised in the same household,

[00:25:29] the same environment, the same, you know, loving appearance. And one may feel this way, and another one may feel that way. You know, nature. It's like I said, you know, it's a hard job in a parent. It is, you know, you get the best that you can.

[00:25:48] And for some reason, everybody thinks that at the age of 18, slash 21, then my job is over. That is not the case. You know, we, we'll necessarily have to be responsible for our children all their life. But, you know, like I said, you know, about my mom, you know,

[00:26:12] she was single mom. My father, I really don't know much about, but you know, she never talked bad about my father or anything. He, what me is a picture on the wall, and that's all I know of him. It really, to me didn't matter

[00:26:31] because my mother is in was my world. She did the best she could, of course at the age of one up, you know, through I could not appreciate it as much as she has sealed me. But now that I'm older, you know, absolutely, I absolutely, I can't,

[00:26:51] I just, I just cannot express how much I appreciate a woman of her caliber in my life. That's wonderful. That's very beautiful. I could see how happy her we talk about her. Thank you. And looking back on all the struggles, and everything you have endured

[00:27:09] and conquered your life as a mother, is there any advice you have for the young, whether it's all there? The young mothers, you know, I put it like this. You don't know, and it takes time. Some people, like I said, are very, they have that nurturing spirit.

[00:27:37] Some mothers never, never have, never will. You know, they love their child, but they don't know how to nurture them in any relationship though, and this goes for motherhood, job, whatever, you know, relationship. I think the best name that you can do in any aspect is communicate

[00:27:59] in any relationship. Sometimes we don't like the answers that we hear, but communicate with your children, stay close to them. It's not a condition that, you know, like I said, at the age of a certain time that you know, okay, fine, they're done, they're grown, of course,

[00:28:20] you have to use tough love, but always be supportive and think along the line of, you know, how God loves us. And although we fall short, a lot of times, I know I have, and a lot of times, you know, it was a convenience for me, like,

[00:28:39] I only loved him or we needed him when things went wrong. Well now that I'm older, I appreciate, you know, I have my time, and I communicate with my higher power with my God, but my father, on a daily basis, and sometimes hourly, sometimes minutes, you know,

[00:28:59] it really doesn't matter, and as a young mother, a young parent, I will say the most, best advice I could give them would be to communicate, and to love them unconditionally because that's the way God loves us. Um, quiet as his cap. He communicates with us every day,

[00:29:21] every day, every second of every day, because every breath we take, is his privilege to let us do that. And we all have a purpose, and be in a parent, and a mother is one of the most wonderful, wonderful purpose you could ever have

[00:29:40] from the time that you feel that movement inside just on it. I know for me, I love that idea. I love being pregnant. I don't think I'm crazy where I'd loved it. It's like, you're creating something in a life. Yeah. And it's amazing.

[00:29:58] And you know how many people know be that they're male, female, wish they could and can't? I think about that, you know, when you see in the news, some poor child was killed by their parents, and I think there's so many people who want children,

[00:30:13] and there's so many people who throw their away. And there's so many people that, like we were saying, you know, really do want to be a fantastic parent, but can't be able to carry a child. You know, you can have everything you want in this world,

[00:30:29] but you know, being a parent like I said, being a mother is to me when the highest honors got to it ever give me. I have, but I know it's also like I'm breaking and I am. I have two wonderful daughters. Not,

[00:30:47] I'm not going to say they don't get a mother or it's close to they do. But vice versa, I get them this too. Now, is there anything else that you would like to add? I can't think of anything. Do you have any other questions for me?

[00:31:03] I think you've had to do them very well. You know, you've portrayed that role of motherhood very good. Maybe it was struggles and how you viewed them, and how you carried things in yourself and your children. I think you conveyed that very well for us.

[00:31:18] Thank you very much for having me. I really appreciate it. Thank you for coming, Miss Ian. No, no. We have a blessed day. I will. I need to thank you. Thank you for sharing your time with us. Her crown is co-produced by Kimberlick and Zollis.

[00:31:36] Support it by the D5 group, and it's powered by the Sound United podcast studio. If you like more information or to be a part of our next or a crown series, you can reach us at her crown podcast at gmail.com.