Her Crown: Eps. 4: Gloria

[00:00:02] Hello, Welcome to Her Crown, a limited audio production celebrating motherhood, Amy Hose and Co-dozer, Erica Scott. Her Crown is a 12-part series of stories that focuses on the strength, dedication, love, and sacrifices from a diverse group of mothers.

[00:00:23] These brave women will share with you their up and down journeys through life. Some of their stories haven't ever been told before. Motherhood is hard, yet rewarding. A mother wears so many hats for so many reasons, but through it all, there is no stopping another slow.

[00:00:42] She is the serving of a crown. Here are their stories. Hello and welcome to Her Crown, I am Erica, and today with me is Gloria, and she is calling in from Texas. How are you today? I'm fine, Erica. How are you?

[00:01:01] I'm good. Thank you. How's your weather doing down there? Foggy and 100% humidity, so that's Texas. Yeah, well, I think I might take that over for a snowy day. Yeah. Gloria, can you tell us a little bit about yourself, some background, and who you are?

[00:01:17] Yes, my name is Gloria Gonzalez. I am 57 years old. I was born in Houston, Texas on August 24th, 1962. I have three brothers and I am the only girl, and we grew up actually we lived in the back of my grandmother's house.

[00:01:35] And a little house, it was like a two bedroom house, that my brothers are like way older than me. My youngest brother is 10 years older than me. So I kind of grew up as almost like an only child. Oh wow, that sounds like this was hard.

[00:01:50] It was kind of lonely, yes. Well, that's it. Can you tell us how you were raised in your house? Was it strict when you were growing up or? Well, I was kind of a day-to-day-day-day-day-day-day-day-day-day. My mom had me when she was in her early 40s.

[00:02:08] So, like I said, my older brothers that, you know, I really didn't interact much with them. They were like way older when I was born. They didn't interact much with me. So it was kind of lonely when I was growing up. My parents and they were older.

[00:02:23] They really didn't. How can I say? They didn't. They were there for me, but they didn't really interact a lot with me. I say, you know, maybe a younger couple would. So, yeah, it was a little bit lonely growing up. That sounds like it. That sounds like it.

[00:02:43] Gloria, are you married? Do you have any, how many children do you have? I am married and I have two boys in the girl. And how old were you when you first found out that you were pregnant?

[00:02:56] Can you tell us about the circumstances of how you found out in the neighborhood? Yeah. I was actually young. I was 20 years old when I found out that I was pregnant. I actually didn't know that I was pregnant because I didn't have any symptoms or anything,

[00:03:10] but you know, I had missed my period for two months. So I figured hey, something's up. So I went to the doctor and he confirmed that I was pregnant. So it was a little scared because, you know, I wasn't married.

[00:03:22] I was 20 years old. I had my first job and I just, I really didn't know what I was going to do. So it was a little bit scary. Well, was your parents' reaction since you weren't married? Well, actually, I had a boyfriend at the time.

[00:03:40] They didn't care too much for him, but I didn't actually tell them that I was pregnant. What happened was I told them, well, we're going to get married. Which, you know, I'm sure they had some type of inclination because five months later I had a baby, right?

[00:04:00] So that was how I was pregnant before then. I told them I was going to get married. So we got married. Again, they didn't care too much for him, but we got married and then hey, you know, mom, I'm pregnant. So yeah, that's the way it was.

[00:04:17] And how did your pregnancy go? Did you have any complications? I actually didn't have any complications with my first, I'm a son. It was a little scary because you know, your 20 years old, don't know what it's all about.

[00:04:34] So it's kind of scary for me. And again, it's not like I could go to my sister or something as a hey, you know, give me some pointers, give me some tips I could talk to because again, I was the only girl.

[00:04:45] So it's a little kind of scary for me. I went through it by myself. I was married. My husband was there, but he didn't really, you know, he doesn't know, right? He didn't really know what's going on.

[00:05:03] So, but no, and actually I had my son on my birthday. I'll just go on. Yeah, so it was, I always tell him, you know, he'll never forget my birthday. He better not.

[00:05:15] And yes, no. And actually I had my son, I want to say it was four or five days after hurricane Alicia. So it was kind of a scary time during my pregnancy and then you know that I was going to give birth.

[00:05:30] And then us, it just crossed my fingers, and not hopefully not during the hurricane. So, but now my pregnancy went pretty good with my first one and my second son. Now my daughter, I did have what is it, just a stational diabetes.

[00:05:46] Oh, with her. So that was kind of scary. That really scares me because you know the doctor say, well, you know, the baby could come out with, you know, birth defect or something like that. So so scared with that.

[00:06:00] And I had a monitor in my blood like every day before I'd after I ate. I was on a strict diet. I could, you know, eat foods that would bring it my sugar. I had exercise. And I did that. They told me like, didn't do that.

[00:06:16] I would have to go on medication. And I really didn't want to do that. I don't want to go on any type of medication. Even though it was supposed to help me keep my, you know, my sugar down.

[00:06:26] But I just didn't want that in my body with my baby. I made myself do a strict diet. And actually after I gave birth to my daughter, I was actually in better shape. And I looked better than before I was buying it. Oh, that's good.

[00:06:42] And she came out healthy, healthy baby girl. See, so you knew what you're doing. You did very good. I can't get out of stress. I felt really guilty like every time when I, you know, I wanted to eat a piece of cake or can.

[00:06:55] I had to eat something that I put in my mouth. I said, no, I can't do this because I may hurt the baby. So that's kind of what kept me in line. Well, you and through all that basically alone, and it was a hurricane going on.

[00:07:07] And I kind of imagine I just wonder if you felt so alone during that time. I mean, you're scared of what's going on with your body. You're producing the inside world. Let's just see what's coming. It's kind of stressful. Yes, it was kind of tough.

[00:07:24] Again, since I was the only child. I didn't have people that could really ask or relate to you. Did you have any good girlfriends? Actually, I have cousins.

[00:07:37] So when I was like five or six, my uncle came out of the army and he brought his family back to Houston. And his family consisted at four girls and four boys. And they were all close to my age. So I instantly got kind of sisters, really.

[00:07:56] But yeah, it was nice. And I could talk to them a little bit. It's kind of still kind of different. And when I was married, we kind of night were a little bit apart because they were getting married. Things were happening with everybody.

[00:08:11] So yeah, it was a little bit hard. Now, were you working mom or a state home mom? I was a working mom. I worked from the day that I got out of high school. And actually, I'm still working now.

[00:08:27] It was kind of tough being a working mom, having to leave the kids and go work. But the good part was that my mom watched my kids until they went to kindergarten. So they were in the best hands possible.

[00:08:42] And I wasn't really worried about leaving on with no gay care or having a babysitter. But I didn't miss the things when they started walking or when they started talking, I'm on with tell me.

[00:08:53] And that made me feel bad that we were, you know, we had a two-in come-off, so we had to work. So I didn't have a choice. Now, did you have anything with raise your children? It was very difficult for you.

[00:09:08] You know, I really didn't have anything very difficult. But it was hard. It was hard. It was hard. You know, getting up, going to work. First drop in the mom at mom's mom's going to work, come in back, pick it up at my mother's,

[00:09:22] which was probably, it would take me like an hour from when I left work to get home because I had to pick up the kids. Then I had a good dinner and get them fed.

[00:09:31] And by this time of like eight o'clock, get them the sleep and then do it all over again. So it was very kind of tiring that you know, you had to tip on going that, you know, they were good kids. They really didn't have any issues with them.

[00:09:44] Well, that's good. Okay. Now, you say you have two older boys and then your daughter was later. Can you tell us how that was? How did that work out? Um, actually, well, my daughter gets along really well with my older son.

[00:09:59] And my daughter is, um, can you do the tenure age difference between my daughter and my older son? So, so the part is that in heaven, we're like, when my mom had me in 40s, I was still a little bit young when at my daughter.

[00:10:13] So, um, and I think they get along good, um, I think they have a good relationship. So I'm hoping that she, you know, didn't feel like I did kind of like, oh, kind of lonely, you know, growing up and stuff.

[00:10:26] So, now, did you have one child who is more problematic than the rest and one that was easier than the rest? Um, I want to say maybe my middle child is a little, I want to say problematic but he's a little more kind of standoffish.

[00:10:44] And I don't really know why because, you know, I don't know how that happened, but he's not problematic. My, my older son and my daughter, I mean, they're really outgoing and, you know, they're not shy and, but my middle child.

[00:10:58] Maybe that's because he's a middle child, you know what they say about middle kids. But he's a little bit more standoffish, not as outgoing as my two other kids. But, um, any struggles with them? No, I didn't have any struggles with them growing up.

[00:11:14] I mean, they're not into drugs. They're not into drinking. They're not into doing anything. Anything wrong really. So, they're good kids. You some, it sounds like you're very blessed. Very blessed. I am, I am very blessed.

[00:11:28] Now can you tell me more about your husband? How was he with your children? Did they have a good relationship? They do have a good relationship. I'll be married to my husband, um, 37 years next month. So he is the dad of all my kids.

[00:11:48] So I think you have a good relationship. Every time, you know, they need something or, you know, they're out of the house, but every time something breaks down in their house, their car, you know, they'll call their dad and ask them how to fix it or you'll just say,

[00:12:02] oh, I'll go with their and do it for you. So I think they do have a good relationship. Now growing up it was a little bit of them. I think they were closer to me growing up than they were to him.

[00:12:14] But maybe that's just the mom, you know, it's there all, maybe some always closer to the mom. And my daughter was, was it a little closer to my husband growing up?

[00:12:25] They used to call her his little shadow because she would follow him, you know, wherever he went there she was. You know, and I think that's true. I think boys claim to their mothers and girls work to their father. Sometimes the roles change in life.

[00:12:41] But I find that sometimes that's how it is. Yeah, that's how it is. And now of course, um, she'll say hey can you ask them, she'll come to the hate can you guys doubt how to do this or this happens? Can you ask that?

[00:12:53] And so she, you know, they always, they know to go to him because he will help them out and, you know, do whatever it needs to get them going.

[00:13:01] That's good. Now how was your relationship with your parents? I know you said that didn't care for your then boyfriend who's your now husband, how did that work with you?

[00:13:13] Well, at first it was kind of strange because again they didn't care for him. My husband was kind of like the bad boy had the bad boy image so they weren't too thrilled about us getting together. Now, but actually they did come around and they really grew to love him.

[00:13:30] Because he was really, he was really kind to my parents. He would, you know, anything that and again my parents were older.

[00:13:38] So anything that, you know, broke down at their house or the car or whatever they had any kind of issues. He would be the first one they would call because my, my brothers didn't really help out my parents.

[00:13:51] And you know, of course they had their own families. They go through their own stuff that they would always call him. So my mother said one time, you know, your husband Roger, your husband Roger does more for us than my own kids.

[00:14:05] So now they came around to them. You know, you would rather spend more time with my mother and father actually than with his parents. So yeah, it turned out really really good at the end. Now, did your parents have any influence on how you raised your own kids?

[00:14:23] I don't really think so. Again, they were an older and you know, older couple. They didn't really. I can say they didn't really interact with me as a younger couple would, but I can tell you when with my kids.

[00:14:42] My mom was all there for them. She would go out there play ball with the boys. You know, she played cards with them. They played monopoly. She taught him how to play bingo. She would take them with her and when she would go like to the end play bingo with her friends or whatever.

[00:14:59] So she was really more involved with my kids than she was with me actually. Did that make you feel any sort of way?

[00:15:10] No, it really didn't. I really love that she was so involved with my kids. My kids, you know, really loved her. She has and my my father and actually on my three brothers have passed. So I really love that she was so involved with them.

[00:15:27] That's wonderful. Now, what are your feelings and how your children grew up? Is there any past that you would have preferred that they took? No, because actually they're I think they're on the path. They should be on. They need to be on my older son went to.

[00:15:43] He worked, but then he decided to go back to school. So he went to a junior college or two year junior college and he got out. He has a good job.

[00:15:52] My middle son he wasn't too much into school. So he did finish high school and he got a job. So he's good.

[00:15:59] And my daughter went to a university. So she graduated and she's working. So I mean, they're all working. They have never asked for you know any help with money issues or anything like that.

[00:16:12] So I think they're on the path that they they belong on each of them belong on the path that they're on. That sounds like you raised your children be independent.

[00:16:23] I tried. I tried. I think we both tried when we got married it was tough, you know, we were young. But we did the best that we could.

[00:16:33] You know, we were like 20. So we did the best that we could you know as we got older we learned a little bit more and you know you learn as you go really to be asked to how to be a parent.

[00:16:44] That is so true. That is so true. I think that's something that children don't really understand when they're younger.

[00:16:51] Is that your parents are growing with you? But that is very death very true. Now, how did feel when you became an empty nester was that a sad point for you or were you happy?

[00:17:03] It was I used to tell my husband because when my daughter went off to college right. It was actually the first time that we were going to be by by ourselves because we were married five months and then I had my son so it was you know,

[00:17:21] after that it was you know having a family but I told my husband we know what if we make it these next two months then we're going to be good to go. Okay, this is the test. Yes.

[00:17:33] We can be alone and good for the first two months. Hey, we got it made. We've made it. That's really good.

[00:17:43] Yeah, and actually and now we've been married so long that actually we've learned a lot about each other or more about each other in this this time that the kids are you know away because we've grown closer. We and it's it's amazing. It really is that's beautiful.

[00:18:05] Well, yeah, I mean you were young at the time when you got pregnant. That's true. You think of all those years that you've never had a child in the house.

[00:18:13] Oh, that is a long time now. I didn't hear you mentioned any grandchildren. Would you like your children to start giving you some? I would. I tell them all the time. I tell them you know by the time you have kids I'm going to be way too.

[00:18:30] But you know, I mean that's what they choose. So it is what it is. Now was there anything in the society which you raised that had struggles for you or did you had an under? Let me see.

[00:18:49] Again, it was just not just being the only child. It was really rough. Not really the only child.

[00:18:58] But I felt that way. It really felt that way. So it was just going through things, you know as a girl, you go through things as you go up right not being able to talk to somebody about it.

[00:19:13] My mother worked. So I actually my grandmother raised me until I was in junior high and my grandmother spoke Spanish. She was from Mexico. So I was with her. So she again, my grandmother, so she was older.

[00:19:31] So again, kind of lonely and really didn't have anybody taught to you and tell my cousins came around and then that was it. That was it. That was in the sky around.

[00:19:41] Yeah, it was really good. Up until the day now we still get along and I call them my sisters.

[00:19:49] But yeah, it's kind of how you just have to keep on going. You know, you may feel lonely think about it and but I mean it is. You just have to keep on going moving forward. Now do you speak Spanish?

[00:20:02] I speak Spanish a little bit. I'm not, you know, I'm not perfect at it when I was going up since my grandmother raised me. My mother used to mean as well. I used to speak Spanish. I mean it's spoken English because my grandmother didn't know English.

[00:20:16] So I had to speak here in in Spanish. So she said I was fluent in Spanish, but then when I started going to school and then you know my mom, I was able to go and live with my mom since she wasn't working at night.

[00:20:28] I started speaking English and I really actually lost the kind of the Spanish language.

[00:20:35] I can speak it, but I don't speak it very well and I can read it barely that I can't write it. So I kind of lost it and I am kind of sad about that because I was able to give that knowledge to my kids.

[00:20:50] So they can understand Spanish, they can understand Spanish, but they can't really speak Spanish and they can't really read it. So that's kind of lost. I'm kind of sad about that because they really kind of lost it where speaking a different language is really beneficial to you.

[00:21:12] Now being Hispanic, did you find it? Did you have any racial tension in your environments? No because we grew up in Hispanic neighborhood. So we really didn't have any kind of racial tensions and racism when I went to school the majority were Hispanics.

[00:21:37] We've never we kind of stayed in that kind of population. I want to say that nowadays there's more a lot more Hispanics and it kind of spread out over.

[00:21:47] They grow in that we kind of stayed in the neighborhoods that were kind of Hispanic, you know most of the kids in school were Hispanics. I really didn't have to face any kind of racism and even now I don't really haven't really experienced it.

[00:22:06] I've seen it with other people but not really directly. That's very wonderful that is wonderful. Now can you share with us any phone memories that you may have had with your children in their younger years?

[00:22:22] Well I always tell my I always talk about this story when my daughter was growing up. She was probably about five or six months.

[00:22:32] I put her in the room with the boys and you know they have twin beds. So I said, I have to clean up. I'm going to put her here you watch her.

[00:22:40] So and then I was cleaning up and then all of a sudden I heard this crying and this screaming for my older son. So I rushed into the room and I said, oh my god what happened?

[00:22:50] She goes, oh the baby fell. She's under that the bed. Oh my gosh. I like it but it wasn't the bed wasn't home. We had carpet so she was fine. So I was joked, oh my god you're trying to make your sister dust bun.

[00:23:06] And he always said no it wasn't my father she just rolled out work. That's all I got to my son. No is there anything that they might not know that if they were sitting with you today that you would like them to know?

[00:23:24] It's you know I may not. I don't know my kids and when I grew up my mom was in a hugger. It's weird because we'll all have friends before she passed or she grew older. She always hugged everybody but she wasn't a hugger.

[00:23:42] You know so again that's why I say oh it's kind of weird growing up but you know I think my kids don't want to be hugged but I like to hug them.

[00:23:53] You know so always you know it's telling you make sure you hug your grandparents or anybody hug them and tell them that you care for a social family. And they're kind of not used to that so you know that's what I would want to tell me now.

[00:24:11] Just show affection show affection even though you know you love them. I know you love me show affection to your wife if you ever get married. If you're kids if you ever have kids show affection to them that's what I like to tell them.

[00:24:27] I think that's a beautiful thing. I think people don't realize the impact that has on someone's life. You know it does. It does. A hug is worth like a million you know a million more.

[00:24:41] And it's a cycle it could be a cycle like if you grew up that way and you could be that way. Children can be that way they got to learn to break that cycle.

[00:24:49] They do they they do exactly you have to break it so that you know your kids won't grow up that way. No so exactly you're right. And if there's one thing you've learned through your experience as a mother what would that be.

[00:25:06] Never give up you may be tired you know come on we may be tired and go through all the you know clean in and doing this with the kids doing that with the kids taking them here and there but don't give up your kids need you.

[00:25:20] They will always need you so always be there for your kids always show them that you love them show them that you will be there for no matter what.

[00:25:29] And looking back on all your struggles and everything that you dirt and conquer do your life is a mother do you have any other advice for you mother's out there.

[00:25:38] Yeah, you know if your kids fail which you know they will fail at some time during their life be there to pick them up. Be there to say it's going to be okay.

[00:25:52] You know dust them off and say you know yeah you're going to have your fail you're not going to be perfect but you have to go out there and try be there for them.

[00:26:01] You know pick them up talk to them say hey it's okay and if you fail you know I'm always here we can always come to me I will always be your mother or I'll always be here for you.

[00:26:14] I never give up it never give up on your kids that's beautiful and is there anything else that you would like to add with this clora. It's been a pleasure talking to you Erica.

[00:26:26] It's really has and talking to you has brought back a lot of memories so good memories and it's like a little bit sad memories but it's been great talking to you. I'm so glad you decided to come on our show today. Thank you so much.

[00:26:44] Thank you and in closing I hope you have a fabulous day. Thank you. Thank you. Bye bye. Thank you for sharing your time with us. Her crown is co-produced by Kimberly Gonzalez supported by the D5 group and it's powered by the sound in the 90s podcast studio.

[00:27:07] If you like more information or to be a part of our next her crown series you can reach us at her crown podcast at gmail.com.