Her Crown: Eps. 3:Michelle

[00:00:02] Hello, welcome to Her Crown, a limited audio production celebrating motherhood, anger hose and co-producer, Erica Scott. Her Crown is a 12-part series of stories that focuses on the strength, dedication, love, and sacrifices from a diverse group of mothers. These brave women

[00:00:25] will share with you their up and down journeys through life. Some their stories haven't ever been told before. Motherhood is hard, yet rewarding. In motherhood where so many have for so many reasons, but through it all there is no stopping another love. She is their serving

[00:00:44] of a Crown. Here are their stories. Today we are talking with Michelle, hello Michelle, Erica, welcome to the show, happy to hear. I'm so happy that you were able to make it.

[00:00:59] So Michelle, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Give us some background on who you are, your age, your family grown up, your siblings, your children just your life in general. I'm 47 years old married for almost 25 years, I have two children.

[00:01:15] I grew up born and raised in Haber, Ohio. That's where we live now in a raising our two children. I come from a very an Italian Catholic home. Very strict in loving, you could say,

[00:01:28] and I have two siblings, a brother that I'm extremely close with and one not so much. And just love my family. Now was it hard growing up in such a strict Catholic family?

[00:01:45] Italian family, that it was hard getting away with things. You know, it was always surrounded by people, friends, family, there was always someone there and I looking back, I think I was maybe

[00:02:03] it was irritating when you were younger but as your older, you want that, you know, your happy you that's good. I mean, I think that's a true thing, I'm not just Italian families but it's

[00:02:15] no, I think mostly like it's like there's everyone is so close in it and so close and you know, there's a lot of roles you play as an Italian woman. Yes, I would agree with that. Yeah. Do you ever feel pressure from that? Yes, out every day.

[00:02:32] I think you are put into a role as a woman when you're, you know, especially from older Italian men that you have to be the woman and do everything and you know, I'm trying to break that for my daughter.

[00:02:52] I can't believe it. I don't understand. Okay, so speaking of the daughter, how many children do you have? I have two children. Alexander is 21, just turn 21 and Emma is 15. Oh, that sounds like such a fun age. It's wonderful to have a 15 year old girl at home.

[00:03:13] How would were you when you first found that you were pregnant? I was 25 years old when I found out I was pregnant with Alex. I gave birth when I was 26 and I was a joyous occasion. Like

[00:03:27] wanted a baby so, so very badly. So what was your parents' reaction to your pregnancy? I laid it and we were two years into our marriage when I got pregnant with Alex. So of course,

[00:03:40] they wanted to know you know what all the weight was about. Wow. Wow. I believe my father's what he said was it's about time. Wow. So the they believed that she, well, I know a lot

[00:03:55] with Catholic families. My mother got married on Erick, I pregnant on her honeymoon. Oh wow. That's with my brother. That's a lot. Okay. Well how did your pregnancy go? Did you have any complications for either one of your children? Yes, with Alex, I tons of complications. I was

[00:04:09] on bed rest and he actually came like three and a half weeks early. Yeah, but you know in he had issues when he was born. He was born with one kidney. So it was, there was a lot of

[00:04:25] there was a lot of things that surrounded his pregnancy. Now with Emma, I was scared to death the whole pregnancy because I'd lost two babies before her but it was the easiest pregnancy. Really? It's crazy. Yeah. Hardest labor-easiest pregnancy but yeah, she was full-term and

[00:04:44] nine and a half pounds. So that's a baby. It's a baby. That's huge baby. That is everywhere. Now did you have them both naturally? I did you have C-section? No, I did. I had them both naturally.

[00:05:00] I had no drugs with Emma because of issues that she just wasn't dropping but I had them both, you know, I did have them both naturally. Yeah, but I I feel nothing for people that have

[00:05:12] cesareans, you know, I think it's just as hard in ways different ways. You know what I mean? Yes, I always, my children well my daughter was natural but they broke my water and I always

[00:05:24] wanted to have that experience of feeling my water break. I don't know why. Did you ever did with those kids? Yeah, my water broke with both kids so yeah. I'm an MP. Yes. It's basically

[00:05:38] like being your pants if you ever done that. Well, I know. I know that too well. So put your sons fine today. Yeah, yeah he has, you know, he has never had any issues with the kidney and

[00:05:51] they said basically if he was it would be between the year, your birth and five and he's, he still gets a check regularly but never never an issue. So very, very blessed. There you are.

[00:06:05] Were you walk through mom or were you say I stay at home mom? I've always been a working mom. I was very lucky that I had an amazing mother who watched my children so I could work,

[00:06:17] you know after I had them and I was able to work part-time. I never worked full time but I worked part-time. And I feel like, you know, it was good for me to get out and that's what my mother wanted. That's

[00:06:27] why she did it. So I could have, you know, get out and still have my own money, you know, and have your own piece of mind and friends. I think you get friends from being

[00:06:39] from working and, you know, did you ever feel like it was a struggle that you went to work some days? Like you'd rather be home with your children? Absolutely. I mean there were times where maybe

[00:06:52] they were ill, not ill enough for me to stay home or they wanted me and they didn't want me to leave. And yeah, I absolutely, I think it's a struggle whether you're staying on home mom or you're

[00:07:02] worked, you know, working mom, you know. And but yeah, I do feel I feel the struggle. I I call it mom guilt. I think there's mom guilt no matter what, you know? And, you know,

[00:07:12] you know, I had mom guilt a lot of times so well it was good you had a nice support system and did help you very lucky. Very good. What's the most difficult part of raising your children?

[00:07:24] You know, looking back now I feel even Emma being 15, I don't feel like I had any difficult times. I mean, there's I think when your kids are younger you have difficulties because

[00:07:37] you're stressed and, you know, your house is always a mess and you know, but I don't remember like anything that was, you know, I've friends that have really struggled sometimes with their children

[00:07:47] and I look back and I think wow, you know, and I mean, like I was really lucky. I would say just the normal stressors, you know, Alex had 80d and he wasn't he was such a smart person and it never

[00:08:01] came out on paper how smart he was because I think of the 80d and him and my struggle with that was I don't think the teachers, you know, realize it. Do you know what I mean or can see past that

[00:08:14] sometimes and I think that's a struggle for him and for your parents because you know, but I don't you know, I don't feel like there was a lot of struggles, you know? That's very good.

[00:08:27] And would you really ship with your children like? Like do you have one child who's more problematic than the other? Is there one who's easier the race and the other? You know, I would say boys are

[00:08:37] easier to race because they played video games all day and it like came out to eat but you know, she was always the mess, the clothes, the makeup, the, you know, but now I think in your life

[00:08:50] with your children and my mom even said this I think there's always different times where you are have different relationships with your kids as they grow, you know, and you don't love either one of them anymore but it's a different kind of relationship at different times and

[00:09:11] but I wouldn't say that either I think they were both had their challenges at different times there. And right now I'm still a teenager and maybe like the mouth is there and the little bit

[00:09:26] of disrespect is there where I think he is coming around to seek because he's out on his own kind of and we still pay I was Bill so I don't know how I could be out on his own but you know, he's

[00:09:40] living on his own and I think he sees those struggles and he comes back to Chris and I and which is my husband and is like I think a appreciative more maybe than she has had the opportunity to see.

[00:09:53] Well, could you tell us some more about your children father your husband? What is his relationship like with your children? I think they have a relationship different than I think I am with them

[00:10:06] because I'm always trying to be in the middle of it where I think he is more of that stand back and let them come to him. You know he always worked a lot he was the mostly you know the soul

[00:10:20] provider for us who I was worked a lot with the kids but always played an active role with them. You know kept them well when if I worked in the EAT you know Emma was a rough child which

[00:10:33] it was little so I attended to work more in the evenings so my mom would have a break and he kept you know he kept them and you know always I guess he's the fun the fun parent.

[00:10:45] Oh he said he's a strip player. Yeah, great yeah so he gets to play the video games and have the fun yes. Oh great. You're the bad guy. Yes. Well can you tell me your relationship with your parent?

[00:10:59] What kind of child were you? Was her crazy things she did in your youth? You know did your parents have an influence on how you raised your children today? Oh my gosh most definitely I mean we

[00:11:12] lived next to my parents for 20 years when my kids were little so they were such a big part in raising my children. They my children would not be who they are today without that influence of my parents you know

[00:11:25] and you know some some people looking on with things some of that might not be you know I think my kids probably started drinking wine at five but you know um I can't I had such a wonderful

[00:11:42] relationship with my mother she passed away a year and a half ago and she was such just that loving grandmother who baked and you know did all that stuff with them and taught them so much and

[00:11:56] you know my dad was always the fun one that took them out and played and you know and my relationship with my dad still is just it's just amazing I mean we're just such a close-knit family

[00:12:09] you know and um I just I think that my life and my children's life would be completely different if they weren't in it so we said that your lost your mother can you take us back to that time

[00:12:24] and explain how that has impacted your life your children's life it's it's a major change for all of us I mean she was I I talked to my mother every day on the phone and we found out that she had

[00:12:37] breast cancer in May of 2018 and she passed away in October of 2018 it was a very fast growing aggressive cancer and it it's changed my life and and I will say that you know it's a loss

[00:12:57] that you can never recover from you know you go on you move on but she's you know it's it's just hard to recover from from that kind of loss because you were such an amazing woman

[00:13:10] I couldn't imagine we couldn't imagine yeah now do you since the females and Italian families take on that role do you find that your role today is even harder because you're

[00:13:21] having to step into her place as well I do I mean I do sometimes in a way I often joke that I have three three husbands you know my my husband my dad and my brother got divorced a while ago

[00:13:35] and you know I do think that but it doesn't bother me as much as I thought right you know I just I liked I like doing for them I like doing for my dad but I do think that it is a role

[00:13:54] that's passed on you know and it traditionally I think that it's it's almost a blessing I don't it's it's hard to explain because there's there's aggravation there too you know you know you know

[00:14:09] like it's it's but you know I enjoy taking care of people yeah now is there a reason though that you don't want your daughter to have that role yeah because I think that she should be it's

[00:14:29] sometimes I do it out of guilt or that I feel like I have to and I never want her to feel that way you know I mean yes but in the end I enjoyed you know I mean I never regret anything I've done

[00:14:41] for my parent I've never regret anything I've done for my dad you know because he's ill now too and you know I don't I don't regret it because looking back I I don't think you ever feel like you did enough

[00:14:52] so but but and I think I want him to enter an marriage that is a partnership and I want her to you know I believe in my heart that she will she will do great things and I think she needs a great

[00:15:10] partner to walk into that life with her and to to share and those responsibilities that would be very good now you said your father's ill he is my dad was diagnosed with leukemia about a year ago so

[00:15:24] so two parents with cancer that has to be a lot right yeah yeah it is he doing okay you would not believe it I mean he's 85 years old and and beating cancer so the fabulous really is and I mean

[00:15:37] that's a lot. I'm sorry my niece said she sent my brother and I down and she said we're going to have to talk about who's gonna take care of pop on you to her gone because like but just don't think that

[00:15:48] and man is immortal maybe I don't know which is good. No has there been anything in today's society what you feel like it's affected your family or had any impact on them. You know I guess

[00:16:08] it's the hatred in today's society I think I don't know how that couldn't affect anybody's family I mean children come they're born into the world loving everybody you know and I think

[00:16:18] the hardest role as a parent is to keep that that up you know they mean to keep that that negativity and hatred out of your family and it's it seems to be unfortunately getting worse rather than better.

[00:16:33] Because in our day I mean you'd probably only experience at a home or something but now kids are on so many social media platforms you know and it's everywhere it is it's around

[00:16:46] you wherever you go now it's like you can never get away from being bullied or you know you have this stereotype of what beautiful should be or how you should act or who you should

[00:16:57] love or what you should do. This world is completely different right from what we were raised it and I think it's very sad. It isn't and my son is my son is gay and I you know I worry all the time

[00:17:11] you know about about him because they're still even in 2020 so much hatred to towards people and it's just it's just sad to me you know and um I daughter is such an advocate for anybody

[00:17:27] you know it means like it doesn't it doesn't matter and and I want her to to keep that it the in any mean and to always um always have that compassion for people and you know there's

[00:17:41] there's no difference between any of us you know it means we're all human beings and we're all in this world trying to get along and it's it's it's heartbreaking to me you know really

[00:17:51] true news now when your son came out that he was gay the that affect you and anyway you know it I would like to say that it it absolutely didn't but you know when you I think I believe

[00:18:06] he was 15 when he came out to us and and I think when your son is when your child is born and they you have certain dreams and and for them and it all turns them but it does not in a bad way

[00:18:17] but it all you know those things have changed but but not in a bad way I love my son no matter what he is you know and and I'm a true believer that he you know this is this is how he was born

[00:18:29] you know and and you know I want him to be happy and to love somebody and have someone love him the way he's man or woman you know I mean there is there's no no difference for me

[00:18:42] that's good yeah but I do you know I I think that a lot of parents struggle with it and my heart breaks for them you know because it's I don't you know it's not life changing

[00:18:57] it's they're still they're still the same child that you looked at that you loved growing you know I mean it's just I just think maybe it takes longer for some people to come around I don't know you

[00:19:12] know they mean I I don't know it just I could see where a parent would struggle and I'm blessed that I didn't you know they mean but I could see you know because it is it's different you know

[00:19:24] I mean but not just love your child for what they are you know I mean love you love your child and want the best for them and and you know there's enough conflict out there there is there

[00:19:39] all these at home and I mean whether you know your race or your sexual orientation none of that matters you know what I mean like in the end does it how how does that affect anybody else

[00:19:55] I know I just I don't that's something I can't understand yeah myself you know as being a black woman like how do you not like someone because the color of this skin that doesn't make sense to me

[00:20:07] and whose business is it of yours who I love right you know so I see that way which a lot of people were like us in the world yeah I agree you know and I will say though I love

[00:20:22] this you know millennials maybe get a bad rap in a lot of ways but not loving everybody I don't think is one of the you know I mean they they tend to just embrace everybody

[00:20:34] like I said my daughters 15 and has friends you know of all sorts and she she loves everyone and I just that makes me so happy you know and you know I think when we were in high school or

[00:20:50] when I was in high school it was a different people would have looked at the Alex differently and now it's just it's you know you just cannot believe how people embrace him and friends and

[00:21:04] and friends that he has been friends with forever since as a elementary school I mean he's still they're still all that big group of friends it makes my friends to that one of them that Alex is gay you

[00:21:15] know and I think that that's just that to me gives me hope you know hope and the world that we have today because I do feel like as much as we've gone forward we in today's world we're stepping back

[00:21:31] right you're seeing more roles of hatred or yeah women's rights or anything and you're you said your daughter so compassion about that is she into politics she's very into women's rights and

[00:21:45] and that's what I mean I think she's so much stronger than I am or was at that age and I don't think anything is really going to be an issue for her and I feel very blessed that I raised that

[00:21:58] you know because I don't I don't feel that strong you know they mean that you just yeah remember even you know there you'd mentioned that they're five minute or five years apart and so

[00:22:10] even when Alex came out to us we waited a while to tell Emma not because of any but I just wanted her to be able to fully understand you know and you know we sat her down and we're like you

[00:22:22] know we have we got to tell you something about Alex and she started crying and I looked at Chris or when we told her that he was gay she started crying and I looked at Chris and I looked at him

[00:22:32] and she said I thought there was something wrong and you know and like that was her first impression there's nothing wrong with him you know what I mean like but you know because and she just she is

[00:22:44] his very biggest supporter in life you know what I mean and there's so many people that I know that are gay that felt they could not come out to appearance the great and have been suicidal

[00:23:01] because of that so it's wonderful that you have totally accepted that and that just gives them a bigger chance in the world because if you have the hated home right then the world around you is

[00:23:14] just going to be the same yeah but I think parents out there have to realize you know it is it is news that might shock you or it is you know but you have to look at your child and realize

[00:23:26] there's nothing different about that child you know what I mean yeah I just if that's a little bit advice to anybody you know and I would much rather my child come to me and be honest then like you said

[00:23:40] be suicidal because he doesn't think anyone is going to understand what he's going through you know that's so good that's pretty good now can you tell any fun memories you may had with your

[00:23:50] children when they were younger or if they were sitting here in front of you today is your things that you would tell them that you have never told them before I don't think I don't think

[00:24:02] there's things I would I've never told them we are weirdly open but not over here only you might think so but but no I don't think but I have so many fun memories of my children and

[00:24:16] was I stressed and when my kids were younger absolutely did I want to pull my hair out sometimes absolutely but I never look back and it's funny because I don't look back and think of

[00:24:29] remember any of the bad and I'm sure there's been that you know what I mean but I don't remember maybe I twisted in my mind and it's into something good but I don't remember any bad you know

[00:24:39] I mean there's been times that we've gone through things that were hard you know but I don't remember and there's been screaming and yelling and you know but it's never never been anything that's been carried on and yeah I don't know I can't I can't think of any

[00:24:57] I think that's beautiful though that you are so open with your children yeah and I think a lot of people need to have that in their family like like openness and honesty yeah I'm all about it

[00:25:07] I know and you know sometimes even with uncomfortable situations and my 15 year old and I will talk you know in front of my husband about you know whether it be you know menstrual or sex

[00:25:21] or whatever and I told her to be open with me and he's like oh I don't want to hear it you know to mean but you know it's you know it's just so sometimes he might stay a little too open

[00:25:31] well is the issue but yeah that's don't ever want to think about no absolutely and she was just as open with him so it's just kind of funny I thought I'm square in my love.

[00:25:45] I think that's beautiful though I mean she seems like she's gonna be such a great person when she gets older okay she is when she's younger yeah that's amazing you know she she she's come

[00:25:55] a long way because she was affected by like mean girls you know even in her younger years and had to re-friendship herself you know what I mean and I think that that has done has changed her

[00:26:07] a little bit but as I'm watching her I think it's all all in a good way you know what I mean and I think because that happened she she is an advocate for women you know what I mean

[00:26:19] and I think that that's good you know yeah I wonder what she's gonna be when she grows. I do I'm thinking lawyer but I don't know only because I fought with her many times she

[00:26:28] was like she gets a good uh it gives a back pretty good oh wow and she tries to make her point so maybe she'll be on the debate and she just did mock trial so I yeah so I don't know that's good.

[00:26:42] Now what is the one thing you've learned through your experience as a mother and none of us are perfect not one of us is a perfect mother that mother that's a stay at home mom that's making

[00:26:52] her own baby food and and doing all that stuff you may look at her and think she's perfect she's not you know none of us are her house could be a mess you know what I mean and it's she's the same

[00:27:03] mom she loves her kids the same as you who are buying the baby food off the shelf you know I mean you know I think working moms and we stay at home moms I think stay at home moms think

[00:27:14] wouldn't it be nice to be able to go out there and work you know none of us are perfect and the end just love your kids and and do the best you can do you know I I've been and Vs of

[00:27:25] of women on and off because you know you think you're you know failing you know and you know and I just think we're all in the same boat you know different boats but we're all we're all in

[00:27:39] the same we're all doing the same thing we're all doing the same thing we're trying to raise good kids you know that that turn into good people and and that's it what is one of your biggest fears as

[00:27:52] a mother I think even now that I'll just screw it up somehow you know and you know I laugh when I talked to my husband sometimes I said you know we say I don't want to be that

[00:28:05] mother that's sitting in the nursing home by herself or kids and I'm a senior but I mean it's you know joking but I mean you know that I always want them to know I did my best you know to

[00:28:15] mean and and I guess when you think about it it's funny but I never want them to be disappointed in me and my fear is that that they would be disappointed in me and the person I am that's heavy now

[00:28:30] that's very heavy but I can feel that you have such a family bond and I don't think I see that happening yeah I hope the way that you guys are so open and honest with each other I think

[00:28:44] you probably would have found that out a long time ago if you weren't doing a good job because your daughter's 15 in your son is how old now 21 sister and do like they're doing it yeah

[00:28:55] and it's because of you and everything that's been influenced in your life so I think that's beautiful that you have but looking back on all your struggles and everything you've went through is there

[00:29:07] anything that you would like to give to young mothers out there in a world and just just be your best and and try your best and and no one can fault you for for trying to be a good you know to be a good

[00:29:20] mom and you kids don't have to have everything in order to be you know they need love you know I mean and it took me a while to understand that and you know just as long as they know they're

[00:29:37] loved it it's a joke all the time because my 15 year old you know sometimes I get and I love you back sometimes I get a door slam you know and but I always say to her you know when

[00:29:47] I said you know you loved right she says yes and that's that's what matters you know or are you loved enough you know and I mean and into joking thing but but really and just love them you know

[00:30:00] and and I think like I said don't don't look at other mothers and compare yourself to other mothers because you know one is safe you know that's for a true I have a friend that raised differently

[00:30:13] her children they're about the same age and they end up being exactly the same so is an amazing how that works out this amazing isn't it? I was there anything that you'd like to add did you didn't get to say no no I just I hope

[00:30:31] that I'm gonna listen because I'd like to hear other other moms speak on on this and I'm gonna you know I like to to get you know other opinions and then I hope that maybe some of the things

[00:30:48] I went through can help somebody else you know and you know a lot of a lot of parents have come to Chris and I and asked you know and asked for advice whose their children have come out and and

[00:31:01] I feel like if I could help and even in that you know it's not because we're experts by I mean yes not because we didn't screw up but just because you know we we we we still you know we're

[00:31:15] still together we're still doing it you know what I mean and yeah so I think you explained your role perfectly what I see from you is a strong family bond that came from your mother and your father

[00:31:28] and probably your grandparents as well and I think that's beautiful that you're carrying that on to your children and I just really welcome your feedback on how Mother has has been to you.

[00:31:42] I love that you see my life like that. I mean yeah I do I mean you speak so fondly of your family and your mother and everything and I think that has influenced you as a mother because

[00:31:56] you had a great mother yourself. I did and I do think that that you know and to the moms out there that might not have you know break that bond do you know what I mean you can do it do you know what

[00:32:08] I mean and you can and I can say that easily because I had an amazing mother but that's beautiful. Well thank you so much for coming here today Michelle yeah thank you for having me of course

[00:32:19] and as always have a beautiful day thank you for sharing your time with us. Her crown is co-produced by Kimberly Gonzalez supported by the D5 group and it's powered by the sound united podcast

[00:32:33] video. If you like more information or to be a part of our next her crown series you can reach us at her crown podcast at gmail.com