Her Crown: Eps. 6: Naomi

[00:00:02] Hello, welcome to Her Crown, a limited audio production celebrating motherhood, Amy Hose and Co-dozer, Erica Scott. Her Crown is a 12-part series of stories that focuses on the strength, dedication, love, and sacrifices from a diverse group of mothers.

[00:00:23] These brave women will share with you their up and down journeys through life. Some of their stories have never been told before. Motherhood is hard, yet rewarding. A mother wears so many hats for so many reasons, but through it all, there is no stopping another's love.

[00:00:42] She is, their serving of a crown. Here are their stories. Good morning and welcome to Her Crown. Today with us is Naomi, Naomi, how are you today? I'm good, thank you. And she's calling us all away from Dallas, Texas.

[00:01:01] So it's a wonderful, far distance, but I thank you so much for doing this for us because I'm sure it's pretty early for you out there. Thanks about 10, 10 or so. I'm happy to be able to help out here. Well, thank you.

[00:01:18] Naomi, can you tell us a little bit about yourself, some background who you are? Yes. I'm from Houston and all my life here and moved to Dallas area.

[00:01:37] When I was in my 30s and I have three boys, I have seven siblings and my parents are still alive and well. My mothers from Mexico, my father's from Rob's town, San Antonio area, which is really cool.

[00:02:00] Basically, I was raised here in Houston and I did everything here. Had my children here and then one day we just kind of up and moved to Dallas so I remain in Dallas and stayed there forever. After the movie.

[00:02:18] How was your parents and siblings? How did you guys get along when you were growing up? Oh, wow. There were seven of us and there was always a fight with the boys. But it was all in fun or whatever.

[00:02:36] It was a big family and a house of let's see three bedrooms. So the boys shared a room, the girls shared a room. I have one sister, the older sister. She was like a mom kind of like a mom-old also.

[00:02:52] So it was a kind of like we had three parents. That's a lot of people. Yes. I cannot imagine how hectic the mornings were for you guys. Oh, yes. Yes. And cleaning the yard. It was crazy and very busy household.

[00:03:12] I can only imagine. Now, can you tell us how old you were and what year was when you first suspected that you were pregnant? I was 17 years old when I found out that I was pregnant. And I basically dated the boy across the street.

[00:03:38] So he ended up being my husband after the years. My parents didn't know about that relationship. And I think my brother's kind of figured it out. But I got pregnant and kind of ran off with him. Oh, you ran off?

[00:04:00] Yes. We last, he was older than me. He was a beige. And we ran away, lived out north side of Houston. And a house with a friend that said hey, you can stay here and we live there for, I guess, most of my pregnancy.

[00:04:25] And maybe like six months of my pregnancy. And I stayed in contact with my mom over the phone. She was very angry, of course. And at that point in time, I was living with my older sister.

[00:04:41] So that's why I say would she kind of like a mom to me also. And lived out there for quite some time until, you know, it's times were hard. You know, of course, for a teenager and trying to figure out life.

[00:04:59] So how did you feel at that time? I mean, you're young. You're pregnant. You're leaving home. How did you feel during that whole time? Lonely scared. New that it was probably not the best decisions that I made. Hungry. Hungry because, you know,

[00:05:24] a boyfriend at the time. Of course, he got a job in construction and lived at the house. It wasn't our house but we had a room and we paid rent. And life was really, really hard when I had to go see the doctor.

[00:05:40] I walked from there to the doctor's office. So everything was five foot in it was alone. I was by myself because he went to work. And he was young. So he kind of did his fun thing and I was alone. Pregnant scared.

[00:05:58] But, you know, I just moved forward and I, if you went to the doctor, to care my business came back and many nights alone in this huge house. And I think part of my personality today is in my childhood.

[00:06:14] I was very scared and timid and even in my adult life. So I think it kind of carried over to my adult life. And I'm finally figuring out why I am the way I am. Yeah. That has a huge impact on everything you did.

[00:06:29] How far and how long was your walk to the doctor? It was about two miles and I walked it every day. And it was like we lived way out in the country like so it was just a lot of construction

[00:06:46] and fields. And I just did that for a long time. Eventually, I kind of just like I said, we didn't have a lot of money. So I got hungry. And I told my mom and I said, Mom, I want to come home. So yeah, they took me back.

[00:07:10] And I told my kids to add that I want to go home. I'm scared and I'm tired of being by myself here. So I came back home but I left again.

[00:07:26] I ran off again and I ended up with a part man and actually, no, we didn't get an apartment. We moved in across the street with his parents. Now, you said your mom was angry. How did your father react? My father disowned me completely.

[00:07:47] He did not want to have anything to do with me. So it was really hard pregnancy for me because I was pregnant. I was young and I was scared and I was crying all the time. So I was very emotional.

[00:08:02] So I moved in across the street at my, call him in walls now. But, and I would come across the street to visit my mom sometimes. My mom was very angry but she accepted everything. She had to. She wanted her daughter.

[00:08:18] So I would come see her and come walk across the street when my father was here. You know, with my father noticed that came back and saw that I was here. It would be horrible. It would be a big fight.

[00:08:32] So I kind of distant myself even though I lived across the street, I didn't come very much. I can't even imagine. Now, how was your relationship with your child's father? Did you guys have a good relationship?

[00:08:47] At that point in time, no, I moved in and they were good people. Very good people. But, you know, with the girl across the street and that they knew my parents. So it was very hard for both sides, right?

[00:09:05] Because they're like telling my boyfriend at the time, how could you do this? This is our neighbor's across the street. You know? So we stayed there and over time, at first I didn't tell my parents that I was there at the very beginning.

[00:09:21] I was staying there and then I had to let them know. And they cleaned up the lawn. They weren't there, but they weren't there. I was still alone. It's like I went from a house and north side into another house to be alone again.

[00:09:37] So I kind of stayed in my room all the time. And for those months, I just kind of, even after I had the baby, I was alone. I stayed in my room and never came out.

[00:09:52] The only time I came out was when I made bottles, things like that. So they loved the baby when the baby was born. But me, I was non-existent to probably everybody. I can't imagine going through all that.

[00:10:10] I mean, when you have a child that you need your mom and you need other people that are mothers to help you figure out what you're doing. Because we don't go. We never know what to do in this role. Right. I didn't have that kind of help.

[00:10:27] I did it by myself. And I felt really good about that. But yeah, it was just really, really hard. And well, how did your pregnancy go? Did you have any complications at all? No, I didn't have any complications at all.

[00:10:47] I just remember when the baby was ready to come and my water bag busted. I happened to be at my sister's house. And I remember saying, I was babysitting the kids. And then my sister's husband came home from work. And I said, hey, I think my bag busted.

[00:11:11] I need to go home and he says, so I'm in pain and illness good stuff. And he says, you want to go home. Don't you'll make a history to the hospital. And I said, no, I want to go home because my, you know, my boyfriend at the time,

[00:11:26] meet up to take me. That's how I felt. And he took me to the house and he thought it was crazy. And his mom thought I was crazy for coming home. And not going straight to the hospital. But I felt like it was his responsibility to take me.

[00:11:40] And I didn't care of how far along I was. He's going to take me to the hospital. So he did. And I think with my, when I went to the hospital, my first pregnancy with the midwife. Oh, wow. Yeah. So I didn't have any complications at all.

[00:12:02] That's a blessing. Yeah. That was like the easy part of my life. It was okay. I had the baby, you know. Now, was there anyone in the room with you when you had your, your baby?

[00:12:17] Um, my boyfriend took me to the hospital and now I didn't have family or anything. He didn't, he was there but he wasn't in the room. It was me in the midwife. So here you are again going through this experience alone. Yeah, yeah.

[00:12:35] Now, what was the baby healthy? Did you, was there any complications with the baby? No, he was six pound six ounces healthy baby. Um, I, he had, he was a colleague baby. And um, and I believe that a lot of, uh,

[00:12:53] I don't really, I never didn't look it up. I don't really know, but I felt that all my emotional part of my life when that year. Um, I think that it affected my baby.

[00:13:05] But at the same time, I was very calm because I would reach my baby while the baby was in my stomach. So I was reading books. I was trying to become so that my baby would become and be okay, you know, but no, no complications. How's that's wonderful?

[00:13:20] And how many children do you have completely? I have three boys. I can't imagine I'm three boys and sure they're little wild ones. Yeah, they were, but very, uh, I have to be honest.

[00:13:31] I mean, it's almost like they knew it was a single mom and they knew to be good for me. Oh, that's so. Yeah, yeah. My middle one was, oh, the cutest little thing, but he knew how to challenge me. He was very smart.

[00:13:45] They were all very smart, but you know, there's always a, one that's different or he was my, I call him my free bird. He had a mind of his own and he's, did what he liked. That's the thing.

[00:13:58] Now were you working mom or were you a stay at home mom? Um, I was, um, I can't see for my first baby. I was a stay home for a long time. Um, I worked during my second child for a little while for an answering service company.

[00:14:21] And I did that part time. And then later over the years, I was kind of really a stay home mom and then I worked for a little bit and then I stayed home. It was too hard for me to get to work.

[00:14:34] And then when I did start working again, um, that's the job with, well, actually, the care, I worked a few times. But anyways, um, that's when I wrote my bike to work. I didn't have a ride. I was with my, um,

[00:14:50] I guess he was still my boyfriend at the time. Um, I just wrote my bike to work there in my second pregnancy. And how far longer you when you were writing your breakfast work? I, I was still writing my bike at eight months pregnant. It's not a mess.

[00:15:06] Every day and my mom was like, Oh, my gosh, if you fall, I don't know my mom got this. Um, and I wrote my bike. It was about two miles. I was every single day, I was going to park my bike, went into the work,

[00:15:18] and then got on my bike to go home for a long time. I did that. Yep. The dead make you tired? I could imagine doing that. Yes. Yes. So luckily, um, my husband's parents would pick up, um, Daniel, which is my oldest.

[00:15:36] And he was about four years old. I'll leave at that time. And um, I would go home after writing my bike, and I would go home after I had a, and sleep. I'd take a, do a bubble bath,

[00:15:52] I'd sit in there and then I'd go to sleep for hours and then did it again. Yeah. Oh, goodness. Now what was the most difficult part of raising your children? Um, financially. It was very hard. Um,

[00:16:10] report from a perspective that my in-laws took care of my kids for me to go to work. So that part was good, very good. It was when I moved to Dallas that was the hardest because I had no family I moved away.

[00:16:28] So I had to figure out a good system for couldo-edit my kids with who can I trust? These are strangers in Dallas. I don't know anyone. I had friends, but they weren't the kind of friends that I brought into my home life.

[00:16:48] So raising my kids on myself was very hard and figuring things out. Now was your boyfriend still around at that time? So my boyfriend and I got married when I was pregnant with my second child. So we got married, we were married for 10 years.

[00:17:12] And then he wasn't a such a great person. So then in order for us to try to make our life our marriage work, he came up with this great idea that hey let's move so we can start over that where we can stay married.

[00:17:28] Because I was saying hey you're never here, you're not real in the recent children. You can go away. So she had that idea so my family really wasn't there for me. My mom, I love her dearly but she really did it help me with my kids.

[00:17:48] My in-laws did. They always took care of them and once or twice I had to ask her to help me with my kids and she said no. So after that when my husband at the time said hey let's move this red makes us work I

[00:18:03] felt like a had no family. So I said okay, let's move so he said what do you want to move? San Antonio Dallas and I said Dallas and the reason I chose Dallas is because he likes to go out in party.

[00:18:20] So I didn't she say Antonio because I thought oh that's a party and seeing let's not go there. You know I'm being missed to myself and so I said Dallas so we moved. We just put our stuff in a you haul in last.

[00:18:35] Well, needless to say we moved to Dallas and a couple of months later she says you know well he didn't say anything to be honest. She left. He left us there. Yeah. He moved back to Houston and just he didn't say bye to the boys.

[00:18:56] He didn't say anything to me. He just up and left. And granted I didn't really know I didn't know the area. I was doing temporary agency jobs so he took me to Los Kalinas back and forth and he did not work.

[00:19:15] He had he didn't work and he just left. He left us in one day. He was there and then the next day he was gone my kids got out of school I got out of work. I picked them up and what do you tell your children?

[00:19:32] Sorry, I don't know where your dad is. He just he was just gone. Now did he leave any kind of note or anything or who just met me in the row? And then months passed.

[00:19:47] Where are you like already figured out or what we had to do and I found a baby fitter. Really the first thing that I did was try to find out babysitter that can help me take her the kids after school so I can go to work.

[00:20:01] And I found just I feel that God was in my life. God has just really put good people in my life. And I just had the support that I needed. Yes, I was alone and it was scary but if it weren't for these people it would have been

[00:20:20] even harder. So I had a babysitter that lived across the street from the school and my boy she got them after school and she had like a little very small little day care within her house.

[00:20:33] And then just a couple months later my husband showed up at the school. The kids are getting out of school and he just shows up and I'm like wow.

[00:20:47] So I had a really hard because I loved him and I was young and I just got them come back and how many months was he gone? About six months.

[00:21:03] And he just kind of back and forth until like you know to me a long time for me to get strong and say don't come back I'm not opening the door.

[00:21:17] So and I think what made me finally get strong enough to do that was I tend to allow certain things because it's only hurting me and I'm trying to just figure things out but once

[00:21:30] it started to impact my children I want to protect them so what I so I had to make that decision. That's just been the way I've made decisions in my life for some reason.

[00:21:43] I can tolerate things but when it starts impacting my kids and my family that's when I make a change you know like a extreme change and say no you can't come back.

[00:21:52] So he stopped doing that and I had to put provisions so that he didn't show up at the school and try to get my kids. He never tried to get them but I had to make provisions so that in case you ever thought he could you know.

[00:22:07] And how did your children fill out that time like how did what were their feelings towards their father? They're very hurt. Very very hurt. I think they also have some struggles you know even as adults but they've gotten through

[00:22:24] all that and now they have but they went through a lot of emotional struggles not having their father in the scene and coming to come and go when they got as they got older they just want to him gone.

[00:22:40] You know one by one got a certain age so when my oldest intern 15 he said I don't want to see my dad he's horrible. I go okay so at one point I just let them make their decision if they didn't want to see him anymore.

[00:22:53] You know we kind of regulated it took a lot of years but we kind of regulated where they would come see their grandparents in the summer and they stay with their grandparents and then he his their father got to see them.

[00:23:06] So they did that a lot through the years. I do remember you know we were alone it was Christmas time it was our first year of Christmas and you know we don't have family we don't have money you know I made enough money

[00:23:26] for us to have our needs we had our apartment we had our food when it was birthdays it was just us four I think the cake and I made it special and they remember that you know

[00:23:38] I made it special I made it just for them but it was just us four my family was four people and I just remember my baby sitter showing up at Christmas with a box full of presents

[00:23:59] for my kids and they were like wow they were they were so happy and she just knew that I was a single mom and just trying to make it for my children you know and my children

[00:24:15] is what gave me that the you know me being so strong that's what I did for them. I stayed strong it was hard it was scary but I stayed strong for my babies. Was there ever time that you wanted to give up?

[00:24:35] Never. I never wanted to give up if anything it was the opposite. It was always the opposite I did for my kids and that's what made me strong my kids. Now when they left in the summers and went to go stay here in Houston for the summer

[00:24:58] that's when I was alone and I didn't like that but that was like our divorce papers you know and all that good stuff that they got to come in the summers so they got to come to Houston during

[00:25:11] the most important times that we should be together which is Christmas Thanksgiving summer I said and I told my ex I go you have an easy man. I take care of the kids when

[00:25:22] they had to do school work I'd met all night helping them going to the library we didn't have computer back then so we went to the library every single night did our homework school work on the

[00:25:32] computers. No I never wanted to give up but I was very emotional because of my relationship with their father made me very and then I was alone for a long time you know I didn't have friends at that

[00:25:51] time I didn't have anyone I just had to figure it out all by myself. Wow I just feel so much loneliness in your life and that's just it's just a heavy feeling that you spend so much

[00:26:10] your life alone doing everything alone that's a lot. Yes um yeah but you know I made it very special for my children and they were happy um hard life but you know it did the best we could.

[00:26:30] Now did your parents have an influence on how you raised your children? No not at all um they came to visit us I guess once a year my kids it just happens that my kids grew up with the

[00:26:48] in laws and it was just unfortunate that my father was very strict and our young years and when the grandchildren were little he's very very strict and very abrupt and I mean bearing me so I didn't

[00:27:07] really when I visited my parents later years I really didn't force my children to come here. They come to say hi and they go back to the other grandparents the other grandparents just show

[00:27:19] we're outwardly showed their love you know and um because I didn't force them to come here I just haven't come say hi and then go back um they didn't really have a big bond with my side of the

[00:27:34] family with my parents but I will say that I believe that the person that I am today is because of my mother meaning I'm strong because everything that I saw my mom go through in her life made me the

[00:27:53] person that I am today um she was a very strong lady she raised seven kids she worked three jobs to take care of us and I truly believe that I you know I'm so much like my mother you know

[00:28:11] it's just unbelievable that's where I get my love that's where I get my strength I I owe her that that's I'm just I'm just like my mother I have a big heart you just want to just try to make it work for

[00:28:27] your for your family now what are your feelings on how your children grew up do you think the struggles you had with your husband had an impact on how they earned today?

[00:28:39] Yes I would say they turned out to be very strong individuals and I feel that I contributed to that but they have some you know they had some emotional moments during their lifetime where

[00:28:58] yes they were impacted by the divorce not having a father and even though they can deceive me and love and they saw their dad here and there it wasn't really having a father

[00:29:13] but you know it's sad but you know I once told them you can be sad that you didn't have your dad or you can just make sure when you you do the right things so that when you have a family

[00:29:27] you do better than that you do better than me you do you learn from this and you do the best you can to have the family that you want to be how you want to be with your children

[00:29:43] and I told them I said you know I have I had a father but he was in there so and I told them think about it I had a father that lived in the same household during my whole upbringing but he

[00:29:57] was here and was he a father no so I can sit there and cry about I didn't have a father or I can sit there and say I'm going to be the best person I can be so I'm not like my father and that's

[00:30:11] what I told them I said yeah you don't have a father and he wasn't a good father but you're going to be the best father you can be the day you have your children so they tend to listen

[00:30:24] and try to be the best they can be but you know like I said they they do have struggles about not having a father and you know they had a mom that's it not a big family

[00:30:39] but I will say that because of the way we were and it was just for us me and my boys they really family was very important to them so when they got older

[00:30:54] and they had their children or they got married at the young age as well they never stopped I mean the brothers three brothers it's like they may see each other they may not but they pick up

[00:31:08] like if they never stopped seeing each other they just had that in them that family was very important but you know from one side they were it was very important but sometimes guys are just a

[00:31:19] little bit different they're not needy like girls and have to be just a family all the time so they had their distance too it's their boys now how does it feel watching your children become parents I love it I love it my oldest son is a great parent

[00:31:40] they're all three are it's amazing because they've all done it at different times in their lives so my oldest son had his children first child when he was 17 so you know my youngest child

[00:31:55] he's 31 and he has four children and they're making it they're doing it on their own my middle son didn't have children up until now he just had his first baby

[00:32:12] yeah I think one of the things that I do see and probably all of them is you know they didn't help them that so although they're great parents I think there's a little bit where they still

[00:32:29] have that feeling that they didn't have a father it never goes away even as adults you know it mean you kind of move on you have a busy life and you just kind of go roll with the punches

[00:32:41] but there's always a little emptiness there I believe now if all your kids were sitting in front of you today is there something you'll like to tell them that maybe you never told them before

[00:32:53] just you know I told them a million times that I love them but just that I love them and that I know that I wasn't the best parent in the world but I get the best I could for them

[00:33:11] and I do it over and over and over again just they they are my life even today as fifth year old mom there's they they know I would just do anything for them but I would continue to

[00:33:27] do that because just because they grow up if that doesn't stop you're still their mother all the way through and you're still there picking up and helping out that is so true what is the one thing

[00:33:41] you've learned from your experience that you would like to share with young mothers out there don't let anyone tell you you can't do it I know oftentimes as a young mother

[00:33:57] people will say you're crazy you can't do it this you know they put all the negativity out there because you're young and I understand why they do it but if you fill in your heart

[00:34:08] you want to have your baby happy or baby it's your decision oftentimes they want to just go and get rid of the problem no it's your decision and your decision only don't let anybody tell you you can't

[00:34:24] do it because I'm proof that you can do it you definitely are you definitely are what is one of your biggest fears as a mother um you know praying that you did everything right that you

[00:34:43] you just want to know that you did good and you don't you want them to turn out good so they are product of you so it's like so scary because you don't know which way they're going to go in life

[00:34:55] you know and and it it is scary because you you put a lot of time and energy in your children to raise them to be good people and sometimes it's out of your control they're going to be who they are

[00:35:08] regardless you know and you just pray and I'm just lucky that my boys are good I feel blessed. I think this is a perfect example of exactly why we're doing the show

[00:35:21] you've done you went through so much alone and yet you have such a positive outlook on everything and you made sure that that wasn't conveyed to your children and you're very strong woman very strong woman I commend you for everything that you've gone through because that's I couldn't

[00:35:43] imagine that had to be very hard. It's already seen else that you would like to add. I can't think of anything right now. I'm not going to come up in my head. You did fabulous this was exactly why we're doing this show exactly why exactly why

[00:36:04] I want to thank you so much Naomi for coming on our show today. I know it's hard to share stories especially ones that aren't always so beautiful but I think we need to let this younger generation know

[00:36:19] that you are going to struggle but through that in the end you can become a strong woman and you're telling that story wonderfully to them I commend you I really do.

[00:36:33] Thank you. Now I wouldn't want to know if you should go get pregnant but if they are you know I want to be strong but you know I'd rather than wait and fit through school and have

[00:36:47] their fun times you know but it just happens sometimes right. Yes it does. Thank you so much again Naomi. I will thank you. Thank you thank you so much and I hope you have a wonderful day.

[00:37:05] Thank you. Thank you. Bye bye. Bye bye. Thank you for sharing your time with us. Her crown is co-produced by Kimberly Gonzalez supported by the D5 group and it's powered by the Sound United podcast studio. If you like more information or to be a part of our next

[00:37:25] her crown series you can reach us at her crown podcast at gmail.com