Her Crown: Eps. 5: Ovionna

[00:00:02] Hello, Welcome to Her Crown, Eliminate Audio Production, Celebrating Motherhood, Amy Hoes and Co-Door Sir, Erica Scott. Her Crown is a 12-part series of stories that focuses on the strength, dedication, love, and sacrifices from a diverse group of mothers.

[00:00:23] These brave women will share with you their up and down journeys through life. Some their stories have never been told before. Motherhood is hard, yet rewarding. A mother wears so many hats for so many reasons, but through it all, there is no stopping another's love.

[00:00:42] She is their serving of a Crown. Here are their stories. Today with me is Aviana. Aviana, how are you today? I'm doing well, how are you? I'm good. Thank you. Can you tell me a little bit about yourself? Some background of who you are?

[00:00:59] Yeah, absolutely so. I am a 22, almost 23 year old mama. I was born and born, lived with my parents, so I was about eight grew up with four brothers, so that was exciting. Wow. And I am a mom too, a little boy named Silas, and he is 18 months old.

[00:01:20] Oh, that's beautiful. Now how was your household where you were raising was it a strict household? I'd say to an extent, yes, because in today's time, these kids complete video games all day every day.

[00:01:35] We were forced to go outside and put the electronics down and find something to do. So in that way, we were raised to also have fun and look out for each other, which was very important. And to the say, you know, we're all still very close.

[00:01:49] So this beautiful, that's beautiful. Now how old were you and what year was it when you first suspected that you were pregnant? I was 20. It was 2017. I had only been married for seven months, and I was like, oh, Lord. Like, what is everybody going to think?

[00:02:05] Because it wasn't the plan. The plan was to get pregnant in 2020, so this year. But God had a different plan for me, and at that time I was so nervous. I remember I was freaking out and I was like, I can't do this.

[00:02:17] I'm not ready to be a mom. You know, like the idea of having a baby, you know, that's always something that baby fever that kicks in. But then it's like when you know what's happening, it's oh god. Here it comes. Yeah. So I think you're ever really prepared.

[00:02:31] No, you can never be. No matter how much money, how old you are, like it's just you're never prepared enough. So how did your husband feel too? Was he a little scared or he was just a kid?

[00:02:41] He was absolutely excited. Like I the moment I took the test. He was like in the bathroom jumping up and down. He was like, I got to call my mom. I was like, well, I'm glad you're hyped about this. I can't even embrace it. Yeah.

[00:02:52] Well, that's because they're not experiencing anything. Oh, yeah. I just remember looking in the mirror and I'm like, you're about to be a mom. Like you're about to be a mom. That's all I can tell you. Oh, that's wonderful though. Yeah.

[00:03:06] So how did your parents react to these? Well, my mom, I was actually really afraid to tell her at first because like I said, You know, being 20, I don't know. You know, yes, I was married and that was like a big thing

[00:03:19] That was important to me. But it was just the fact, you know, I knew how young I was And I was so afraid to tell her because I'm like, you know, my mom was pregnant at 22

[00:03:27] And I know that that was something that she didn't really, you know, she always pushed me And my brother to like wait longer. So at first I was nervous to tell her and then I just told her one day

[00:03:36] After church, like it just came out, I was like, you know, mom, like this is an unexpected blessing And I hope that you're excited. And we ended up she was like, why would you be afraid to tell me?

[00:03:46] You know, she was in the car crying and everything and but it all worked out. You know, my son is super close with her. So all the wonderful. Yeah. Now, how did your pregnancy go? Like was there any complications?

[00:03:58] No, I was so blessed to have a smooth pregnancy. That was the best I ever felt, you know, like really I felt so good because I struggle with headaches and when I was pregnant, I never had headaches

[00:04:09] It was like I just was glowing. I don't know if it's because I was just carrying this little miracle baby So, you know, I was just glowing on the outside but I was I felt so good.

[00:04:19] Honestly, I was like, this is the best I felt. You know, I can't just be pregnant all the time But not have a bunch of kids just like just to feel that good.

[00:04:27] Oh, well, how was your delivery? What it was it just it was long but I kind of prepared myself for that because I'm like, you know, You can't have a smooth pregnancy in a single baby.

[00:04:36] You know, you got to pick one or the other. So it was 28 hours. Wow, I had to be induced. I wasn't, you know, dilated at all or anything. So I kind of won in blind with that situation

[00:04:49] And they told me it was going to be a longer process. And I remember just being in the room Like once my family left it was just me and my husband and I was crying because I was like, I can't do this any longer

[00:05:00] I said, I'm in so much pain. And you know, my husband's a type of guy to where he doesn't always

[00:05:06] Like try to find like the positive side of you know, like, oh, you're going to be okay or you know, look what you get to look forward to. He just was there and just embraced

[00:05:13] You know how I was feeling he just gave me a hug. And I know I did hear him praying like as he was hugging me

[00:05:20] And that's really all that I needed because you know, like I said, he's not that guy that always tries to, you know, look at the different side It is what it is, you know, his wife's in pain. She's been laying here for 14 hours in pain

[00:05:31] And it was just, it was so crazy because when the nurse came back into the room to give me another thing to help dilate me my water instantly broke Oh wow, I was just like, thank you Jesus! That is answer prayers right there

[00:05:44] I was so thankful and then after that it was just it was still long but I was relieved at the fact knowing like, okay, like baby's finally going Well he sounds like he's a very good support group. You're face to God, it sounds very strong. Yes

[00:06:00] I said yes There was no help but your baby No, not at all I just remember when he came out my doctor was like, oh, I'm saying nine something pounds and I was like, oh no, like six seven

[00:06:12] And then they weighed him there like, oh he's nine six. I was like, can you weigh him again? I was in denial. He was really over nine pounds. He was nine pound six ounces

[00:06:22] Oh, in the world still big to this day. He's like he's three feet tall. Three series. You're gonna have you Now are you working mom or you're staying home mom?

[00:06:34] Right now I am a stay at home mom. I have been a working mom since I went back six weeks after having silice I recently just left my job at the hospital because I'm just focusing on school right now because I went back in January

[00:06:47] So, I mean I'm still working you know, because school is working But it is it's nice to be at home and not feel so rushed with my time with silice Do you have any struggles at all since you're going to school?

[00:07:00] I would say just finding the time to study It can be very hard because my son is at the age where he needs to be into every little thing So, you know, he's climbing all over me. He's trying to get to my laptop

[00:07:13] And I'm just like, oh silice don't do that So it can be a little bit hard, you know, trying to make the time because sometimes I can't even do it until my husband gets home

[00:07:21] I have to wait until he gets home to study and then it's like five o'clock at night I don't want to study I mean, I could just imagine that that age probably just run on all around the place Pretty much, he doesn't stop

[00:07:34] Now, do you find it very hard sometimes? Like, do you ever feel like I can't do this? Oh, absolutely. Especially on the days where you know, I'm just I'm not feeling good

[00:07:44] And I have a bunch of things to do and it just seems like silice, you know, it's You know, he can't really express his emotions yet in what he's feeling So those days where he's just so whiny and I mean it naturally just hits your nerves

[00:07:55] You know, and it's like there has been times where I literally just broke down and sat on the floor And sat on the floor, crying, you know, because it's not his fault

[00:08:03] But it can just be so overwhelming sometimes, you know, but you just got to pick it back up and keep it rolling You know, every day is not going to be bad and it just comes with parenthood I feel like Yes That is definitely

[00:08:15] Now, can you tell me more about your husband? Yeah, what's the relationship? Well, like with him and your son My son is absolutely a daddy's boy He has been since day one, you know, everybody told me, oh, having a boy

[00:08:28] He'll be such a mom as boy, he'll be so loving this and that don't get it wrong My son does love me. We are close, but he has been a daddy's boy since day one That's like his little best friend All that's wonderful, though

[00:08:39] Now how was your relationship with your parents? I was close with both my parents, you know, it was hard losing my dad at 14 Like when my parents got divorced, I was eight and being eight I didn't understand a lot You know, but then the older I got

[00:08:56] More things did start to come to light and then I lost my dad when I was 14 And at that time, I tried to act like I wasn't affected by it But the older I get I have a harder time with it, you know, because it's like my dad

[00:09:09] He wasn't there when I graduated, you know, he wasn't there to give me away at the aisle He wasn't there when Silas was born So it's like when these big life events happen

[00:09:19] It's very hard for me, you know, compared to what it was when I actually did lose him Because nothing was really going on then, you know, were you too very close? We were close, yes, and that's why it was hard. I was so confused

[00:09:31] At eight when my parents, you know, were getting divorced Because I'm like, you know, like, moms and dads don't get divorced You know, that's not a thing, we're supposed to grow up and have loving parents

[00:09:41] So it was really hard for me not to be with my dad every day, it really was Now do you think your parent's separation impacted you as a mother anyway? Absolutely, and you know, I have a strong desire in my heart for Silas

[00:09:56] To grow up in a home with both a mom and a dad With that being me and Brian only, you know, I don't want divorce I don't, you know, I don't even like to think about that Because I know the heartache that it brought me

[00:10:08] And kids deserve to grow up and us together home You know, they don't deserve a broken home So it just gave me a passion to want that That's a good way to look at that There's so many people don't see it that way

[00:10:22] Or it affects them in a negative kind of way I refuse to be bitter about it That's good Now what kind of child were you? Were there any crazy things you did in your youth? I think I was a really good kid Honestly, I was a good one

[00:10:34] You know, I got good grades in school, got attendance You know, I wanted to be on the honor roll at school Because I knew one like my dad would always give us like 50 bucks for every day We got one

[00:10:45] So I was like, yeah, I'm getting that out of my home But it was just like I was a good kid You know, I had that desire to be I was always very honest with my mom, even the older that I got

[00:10:56] You know, because she always told me, you know, I trust you So don't give me a reason not to trust you And I just always felt like I could be open with my mom about anything And to this day, that's why we're still very close That's wonderful

[00:11:08] That's wonderful Yeah, that's beautiful Now there's or anything to say Society that has impacted you in your family's lives I think it's all around, you know, unfortunately I just think the time of day that we live in this world is very dark

[00:11:22] There's a lot of evil, you know And it as a mom, it makes me very nervous and scared to see what my son is going to have to face because The way this world has just changed in the past five years

[00:11:35] It's crazy, you know, the violence and everything that goes on It's so scary, you know, and it's like It makes you nervous to think, you know, I don't know One, my son is like five and six if I want him to ride his bicycle

[00:11:47] Through the neighborhood, you know what I mean? Because it's not like it was when we were going up Unfortunately, you know, I mean, I want him to have that But I think I would be at home having a panic attack Thinking about, you know, what could go wrong

[00:11:59] Because you just never know in today's time It's very, it's very, very sad Now, you said you got married, John Yes, how long have you been with your husband? I've been with my husband for five years And we've been married for it'll be three years on March 17

[00:12:15] So yeah, I got married like a week after my 20th birthday So, now did your mom ever get upset that you got married so young Oh, yeah, first sure, nobody in my family wanted me to get married

[00:12:29] You know, everybody thought I was making the biggest mistake of my life But I just, you know, I found out through just a lot of praying And, you know, people that have just that lived their life on fire

[00:12:40] What God them just speaking to me and talking to me and giving me this advice And praying for me, I just, I knew in my heart that I was doing the right thing You know, I knew that I wanted to be a wife

[00:12:50] And I said, what's the difference if we get married Now, or if we get married, you know, 10 years from now I was like, I know that I want to be with you Oh, that's funny, yeah Because so many people don't get married

[00:13:01] No, you don't see it, you know, maybe like 23, 24 with that age But I mean, I was 19 turn 20, I married a week later You know, everybody was like, oh, she must be pregnant or this must be gone Because you know, that's how people think but it was

[00:13:14] And I mean, I knew that I loved him and that's what, you know, me saying Like, what's the difference if I do it now or if I wait, you know, to do it 10 years from now I know that I want to be with him

[00:13:24] Which is very true, yep You said you lost your father Can you take us back to that time and explain how that has completely impacted your life I, um, the night my dad died I was actually in San D'Asky

[00:13:40] We were getting around to go to Cedar Point and I had a dream of my dad sitting at his dining room table And he had a heart attack and died

[00:13:49] And I woke up out of a dead sleep and I woke my mom up and I was like, Mom, like I just had a bad night Mary, I had a dream that my dad died

[00:13:57] And then the next day that morning when we were out at Bob Evans eating breakfast My brother had called my mom and told her that my dad had passed away Wow And I was just like, what are the odds to have a dream about that?

[00:14:12] You know, I mean, I definitely think it was something spiritual, you know, like me being shown that that happened And in a way it prepared me a little bit more to get that news

[00:14:22] To, like, I knew instantly when my mom answered the phone and seeing the look on her face I already knew what it was going to be And was it from a heart condition? Yes, yes, he had heart failure

[00:14:32] So I was kind of prepared for it, you know, because I knew that his heart was only working at 13% I knew that it was just a matter of time And like I said, I knew instantly when my mom got that phone call

[00:14:45] What it was about because I had that dream It was just like I knew it was coming Had to be really hard at 14 years old But it was, I was just, you know, I was angry in a way, you know, like why does this have to happen

[00:14:58] And you know, in a lot of ways like I said it affected me, especially when I hit those big milestones in my life But I finally learned to, you know, just make peace with the situation And I don't ever want to say you move on from it

[00:15:10] But you know, it definitely gives me a different outlook on how to Really take care of myself and not, you know, indulge in things that I shouldn't that put

[00:15:18] Your body at risk for like developing diseases like that and it's just, you know, I kind of just roll with the punches when it comes to it I miss them every day but it is what it is For your age, you just seem like so much older

[00:15:34] I get told that all the time Especially when I worked at the bank, they would always tell me like you have such an old soul You're so wise

[00:15:43] And I just think it's the things that I faced in my life that I've just gave me, you know, that different outlook It's just, and losing my dad was one of them That really, I felt like I went from 14 to like 20

[00:15:55] Instantly, you know, I just didn't, and it even seems like now like, I'm 22 But, you know, I don't feel like that because I look around at people that are my age And I'm just like, I don't act like that We don't have anything to comment

[00:16:09] I can think of that I don't know But now, your parents were in a interresual relationship And your husband is a white gentleman in your African-American Yes, do you find that there's any problems? Do you face any kind of racism on that?

[00:16:25] I actually remember like, my parents were together And I remember, you know, we would go out to eat And you have me and then you have three of my brothers who are black And then you have my other brother who's white

[00:16:39] And, you know, you have my mom and dad So, you know, these people are looking like, well, I'm just a family We are, you know, because that's natural So, I just remember like getting a lot of looks when we were younger

[00:16:49] But even to this day, there was a time last year When me, my husband and my son were having Christmas pictures taken And the lady at JC Penny just could not stop giving us dirty looks Really

[00:17:04] And I was just, you know, I just couldn't help but just looking at her Just like very confused because I'm thinking, you know what? At the time, I'm like it's 2018, you know We're not the problem, you know, you are You know, why are we bothering you so much?

[00:17:21] You know what I mean? I mean we're loving happy couple and we have a beautiful child What could possibly, why does that upset you? You know, I just, I don't understand it I know that it's going to be out there and I know that it will continue

[00:17:34] As long as people allow it to be continued Because when you raise your kids to, you know, look at color That's what they're going to look at, you know what I mean So, I just, I want my son to be very open to the fact

[00:17:46] You know, I don't even want him to see, you know, I want him to see What's in the heart, not on the outside And it's very true I don't think everyone always realizes that there's such a fence That you're on sometimes Especially when you're dealing with color Yes

[00:18:02] It's just, sometimes it's just very difficult Because you'll have even your own, you know, because people are always going to see you as black Yeah, and even if you're mixed with like some black people don't like you Because you're mixed and then some people in my face

[00:18:15] What people do? Yeah, and then like cool Yeah, I would get a lot of that Yeah, yeah It's no one really understands the struggle from the other point of view Exactly And how much that impacts your life Whether they realize it or not

[00:18:29] There's certain things you go through life where you have to Basically teach your child that no one ever thinks that you have to do that Absolutely So yeah, I mean, so how has mother had changed you? Do you have a lot of fears being a mother?

[00:18:44] Like I said, I think my fear basically is just that How much the world and everything is just constantly changing You just never know what really to prepare yourself for And like, you know, I'm a type of person I do believe in change and I believe in growth

[00:18:59] But it's just it can be very scary with everything that's going on out there And even not even so much talking about the world But even just my son is self, you know It's like Soon as I think I have them downpacked

[00:19:10] I know what he likes to eat I know what he'll, you know, I know his method I know his ways his scudgeau It's like boom, he's changing again Like I can never just and I'm such a person that likes it like boom, boom

[00:19:20] A scudgeau, you know, like this is this One, two, three, and then These kids, they just throw you in loop I'm like okay well, you don't like that anymore already That is very hard They are very picky Yes

[00:19:36] And looking back at all your struggles and everything even conquer Through your life as a mother Is there any advice you would like to give to young mothers To address and you are young your mother yourself I would honestly say being a young mom

[00:19:48] You have to find that outlet You don't want to get so caught up in just being a mom And that was something that I struggled with for about a year You know, I was just so consumed With that's just who I was and that was it

[00:20:03] You know, it's like And I also forgot that you know I am a wife You know, it's my job to spend time and make time for my husband as well And then most important and that like I'm still me, you know, I'm still avianna

[00:20:16] I have to take care of me So I would just say, you know, find something that you can do That just takes your mind off of just being stuck in that motherhood role You know, whether if you want to sing If you want to write dance read

[00:20:28] Just something that you know So you just don't feel so bottled up Because that was something that I struggled with for a while And you know, it's like your friends tell you that

[00:20:37] They're going to be there and they can't wait to be a part of your kids life And then as soon as you have your kid nobody's there So you just feel so lonely And so empty inside So I just found out really within the past six months

[00:20:50] To still take care of me Because when I take care of me then my marriage will be okay And then my family will be okay You are very wise Thank you But do you have any friends? You have a young kid

[00:21:04] Yeah, I do have a couple friends that have kids You know, we're always like, oh we have to get together We have to get together But it, you know, it can just be so hard And especially like right now Everybody's kids are sick So nobody's going around anybody

[00:21:16] But I do And it is nice sometimes To just reach out to those mom friends And you know, talk to them about advice Like hey, what did you do to get your kid to sleep through the night Or get them to eat more veggies and stuff like that

[00:21:28] So it is good to always have those mom friends too And just to really talk and hang out Like I said not be so consumed with just being moms You know, I don't think people realize that mothers do carry so many hats

[00:21:41] Yes, you know, you still have to be true to yourself Yes And in it's you are so cramped You're not just the mom, you're all these many things Your daughter, your sister, your and You can be an aunt

[00:21:54] I mean you have so many roles that you have to play And sometimes it's hard to balance But you seem like You do struggle a little bit But I think you're here Yeah, I'm getting better Like I said it did consume me for a while

[00:22:07] You know, I just look in the mirror like oh I'm a mom Oh, I don't have time to do that because I'm a mom You know, I don't want to do this because I'm a mom You know, it is just it's not good to have that mentality

[00:22:17] You know, you have to take care of yourself It's so important because if you don't everybody is affected by it That's such a room You are just it's amazing I think like I can't believe you're 22 years old Now tell a little bit more about your son

[00:22:35] Oh Mr. Silas He's so smart, you know, but it's not even so much that When I was pregnant with my son, my uncle Who is our pastor I remember he came up to me one day And this was before we even knew that we were having a boy

[00:22:51] He said, you know, you're having a boy And he is so anointed His anointing is seven times fuller than mine And that just being spoken to me Is why I refer to Silas as like my mirror co-baby You know, because I just felt something so strong

[00:23:10] In me all the time You know, I was just very emotional I remember like the night's just like praying And like reading my Bible there was just such a strong pull And my heart and a desire And it's just so crazy because today when we go to church

[00:23:23] How into it my son is for only being 18 months old You know he claps When he sees people getting prayer He'll lift his hands That's amazing He watches my grandmother that also preaches sometimes So he just sits there and watches

[00:23:40] You know, usually kids of his age are just like, they can't sit down He snacks, can't sit still But he just sits there and just takes it all in And it's amazing to me how spiritually gifted he is already

[00:23:51] And how you can see it and it just warms my heart You know like I said, yes he's smart And he has a personality but what means the most to me Is that I can already look at him And tell that he's on fire for God

[00:24:01] And that's what this world needs and it excites me No, do you see yourself having more children? I do. I want more kids. I want to grow My husband is absolutely not right now And we're talking about a guy that wanted five kids

[00:24:17] Oh, and he's just like, no, not right now So I mean we'll see it could definitely be a possibility Maybe a couple years from now when some done with school And everything but I mean I can play in my life But what are you going to school for?

[00:24:32] Dental hygiene. Yeah. So I'm pretty excited about that Oh, that's more of a good time. How much more do you have? I still have about a year and a half So I'll be in there for a while

[00:24:44] But it's good for me and I finally know what I want to do So you know all those like what four or five years And I know what I want to do to know So but it feels good to finally know what career

[00:24:56] Pat I want to take. I feel so much better about it Now do you go to is it like an online school or no? I go to Stark State in Akron So and I actually I could do online classes if I wanted to

[00:25:09] But I chose to go a few days a week Because I knew if I did online classes like I would probably slack You know, and it feels good to be able to just get out the house And go really you know like I look forward to it

[00:25:21] I feel so nerdy because this mentality that I have I didn't have when I was in high school Or when I first graduated from high school You know I kind of just slack it off you know

[00:25:30] But now I'm just like I want to get there and I want to get an A And I want to do the best and I want to be on the Dean's list Because I want to show my son that I can do it

[00:25:36] You know because I did have people in my family That would be like oh she's pregnant she's never going to do nothing with her life Oh wow And that set a fire in me to show them No I can, you know

[00:25:47] Because back to what I said I'm not just a mom You know I'm going to make something in my life It's just beautiful to see that and so on It really is Now is there anything else that you would like to add about your life as a mother?

[00:26:02] I mean nothing that I could really think of at the top of my head Like I said the most important thing is to not lose yourself And be in a mom really because I know that's what I struggled with

[00:26:11] A lot so any time that I see young moms out there Just moms, I just seem so sad You know I try to tell them you know don't don't be discouraged Find yourself find something you like and take care of yourself That's beautiful

[00:26:24] Well I would like to thank you very much for being on our show today Thank you for having me So I'm like a big, that's it I mean and I think it's wonderful So you can let other people know like you do struggle

[00:26:37] There's going to be struggles as a mother but you There are so many hats and We just keep going girl Yeah It's a beautiful gift It really is And yeah because I was the same way I loved being pregnant So it's beautiful to see that and somebody else

[00:26:52] Yes Well thank you so much for being on our show It's been lovely having you And I hope you have a wonderful blessed day Thank you, you too Thank you Thank you for sharing your time with us Her crown is co-produced by Kim Rolikon's

[00:27:10] All is supported by the D5 group And it's powered by the sound of your podcast studio If you like more information or to be a part of our next Her crown series you can reach us at her crown podcast at gmail.com